No Way Out
by Antheniac
Summary: Piper McLean is just the 'sick kid'. She has a tormented life, and she debates why living in such a cruel fate every passing hour. What wasn't expected was a mysterious variable setting off her life. Jason Grace. Rated T Percabeth, Jasper, some Thalico. Somewhat OOC. AU.
1. Prologue

**PROLOUGE**

There is no such thing as peace. Peace is just a figment of our imagination. A longing our minds wish for. Peace can't be real. There is always conflict, we might have 'peace' with others but we are always having an inner battle with ourselves. They're called thoughts, they swim in your head arguing with each, creating impossible scenarios and creating our own fears. Fear is also fake. If we don't think about it or say it's not true, it's not real. I have learned that my mind has more power over the fictional things then they do over me. Fear, peace, and love. They aren't real. That's why I'm not afraid to die.

My whole life I've been sick. I have a lung condition. it slowly shuts down my breathing. They don't have a cure, but they say they can fix it. That told me that I need new lungs. so here I am on the donor list. Written in big letters under some stranger's name was Piper McLean.

People always say they are sorry for me. I don't understand why though. What did the do wrong that makes them say sorry? Nothing at all. They pitied me, and I'll tell you I hate being pitied. They act as if I'm some lost case, a poor soul that suffers each day. I'm not that at all. I go to school like regular kids, I wear makeup like all the other girls in 11th grade. I even had a high sense a fashion if i say so myself. I couldn't keep as active as I would want but I worked out as much as I can without passing out. So I'm very fit. The only different thing about me is that I have little tubes in my nose to help me breath.

I don't have any friends though. Mostly because people just try to pity me and I don't want that. I want to be treated normally. So in a way I guess I'm a social outcast. A misfit, I honestly don't care though, I basically despise people. All they do is ask me about my problem. I want it to stop. The only thing I have to live for is my father.

Tristan McLean. World renowned actor, loving father, the only one worth living for. He's why I go through all the test and the long day, he's why I try in my schoolwork instead of throwing it away. The reason for living. Yet, I still know someday I'm going to die. And I'm not afraid.

Until I met him. He turned my entire world upside down. His friends did too, I tried to deny it at first, to ignore the flutters in my heart, to ignore the spinning of my head, and suppressed my smiles. He acted like I was regular, he didn't even notice the tubes at first. And his friends did t even say sorry. He didn't either, he treated me right and he still does. Now I don't suppress anything. I let my emotions show and I talk to him. I fell into love with him and there seems to be no way out.


	2. Chapter 1

I wanted to run. I wanted to feel the wind in my face, I wanted to hear the thumping of my feet on the ground; I wanted to hear the rapid beating of my heart in sync with my struggled breathing. Yet, I could never run again. All my dreams ripped from me because of one thing. Sickness. I have always been sick, I could never run again they told me. They crushed my dreams, it felt like they ripped a piece of my heart from me. They took my freedom. Running used to be my freedom. I was so young and so naive. I took the gift of freedom for granted, and when they told me I couldn't ever have it I realize how precious the gift was. But it was too little too late. To late to change my ways and go back to savor the moment.

They call me broken, a nothing. A piece of trash, and frankly I was starting to believe them. It wasn't what I wanted though. I was just the little sick kid. The one who couldn't do Physical Education, the one who got out of everything. I was a broken toy, a piece of trash. I don't want to be a broken though, I want to be fixed. I don't want to be trash, I want to be the newest product; the one you replaced the trash with. I wanted to be normal. I had always had a feeling in the pit of my stomach, it felt like...

Emptiness.

Emptiness: Lacking purpose or substance; meaningless. I was empty, living without a purpose. I didn't work for anything anymore. That dreadful day seemed to write **lost cause** in permanent marker on my forehead. I don't believe in peace, or fear, and most importantly I didn't believe in love. My mother said she loved me, she said she would never leave me. But the day I was labeled sick she took off. Leaving one of the largest burdens on my father...me. I never thought love could happen until I met him.

**Beep. Beep. Beep.**

"Urghhhhh..." I mumbled incoherent words as I slammed my fist down on the snooze button. I stared up at me ceiling while rubbing my eyes.

"Another cursed morning that leads to the one the most horrible places on earth," I say to the ceiling. _I'm really starting to lose it, aren't I?_

I roll over in my bed resulting with me falling on the cold hard floor. Ouch. I groan and start to crawl over to my closet. I say 'closet' when I really mean small room. I have racks on racks of clothes and piles of shoes. I'm not sure why my dad spoils me so much, _probably because he's never here._

I struggle to stand up and look for something to wear, I take out a pair of skin tight dark washed jeans. I then pull on a white tank top and put on a cream colored cable knit sweater over it. I slip on some ankle boots. I then plop down on my vanity chair to catch my breath. I basically have to sit down every fifteen minutes._ Fuck you, lungs._

I start to slowly dab foundation across my face. _Your nothing_, they said. _I'm nothing_, I said. I lightly apply some mascara and blush to my face. _You are such a loser, all you are is a sick kid_ they said. _I'm just a sick kid,_ I believed. I then brush through my hair and let it lay on my shoulders. Then for the finishing touch I go over to my lifeline. Literally, a black tiny container with tubes that helps me breath. I stick the tiny nubs in my nose and wrap the tubes over my ears. I sigh loudly and sit down to stare at my reflection again

_A nothing, a nothing_, I repeated in my mind over and over again. I stared at myself. I was boring, I had no fascinating features. I was half Cherokee so my skin appeared perfectly tan, I had waist length dark brown hair. My eyes changed colours based on my mood. Most of the time they were a dark brown, they appeared black. I haven't seen blue or green eyes since I was twelve. Nothing.

I dragged my self out of my bed and took a deep breath, here we go again. They say to not live in the past and to look to the future. But it is so hard to look to the future when it's just the past on repeat. Wake up, survive, go back to sleep. Repeat. I grabbed my brown messenger bag that had all my essentials. Because I have to tote around the oxygen tank all day I only can use one hand so I have a messenger bag that hangs off my shoulder. It contains my iPhone, an inhaler, makeup and pencils, etc. I grab my coat and slowly start to button the gray buttons. Gray, my whole life is like the colour gray. Boring, _Nothing_ a voice whispered In my ear. I whipped my head around only to see empty air. I'm just freaking myself out.

I start down the stairs slowly before exiting without eating breakfast. I don't deserve breakfast. I started to walk down the streets of New York to my highschool, Goode High. I was in the eleventh grade. I had gone five years without friends, or really just saying more than ten words to anyone my age. I didn't need to burden them so I stayed away from them. I was almost immediately labeled as a loner. I was though, no argument there. _A loser, a broken toy, a nothing_. Those words swam around in my head, giving me a massive head ache. As I was contemplating going back home and calling in sick I appeared at the doors of Goode High. Well too late hugh?

I opened the doors to the deserted hallways. I was a good hour early to school as usual. I liked to avoid human contact as much as possible. I started to walk down to my locker, number 107. I popped open the door and neatly started to put my books away. I decided I would keep my locker clean so at least one thing in my life wasn't completely fucked up. _Yeah right_, the voice whispered In my ear and I whipped around once again. And once again nothing was there. I was really starting to freak myself out.

I grabbed my book I was currently reading to take to homeroom. I was reading To Kill A Mocking Bird right now and it is perfection. Slow start, but I have learned to stick with a book. I slipped my book inside my bag and sighed to the empty hallways. I started to slowly pad down the hallways to Chiron's room about twenty minutes early. He never minded though, he always let me sit down before class started. I always requested him as homeroom because he understood me. I opened the door expecting to see at his desk. What I did not expect is one of the most perfect males to be before my eyes. Okay, that might be exaggerated a tad bit but seriously that was a very very attractive person. He turned around and my breath caught in my throat (which happened a lot due to my shitty lungs). He was breathtaking, literally, he had blonde hair the was neatly cut but still slightly dishelved. He had a perfect jaw line and the most beautiful tan I had ever seen. What really got me was his eyes though, the we're electric blue and looked so (let me be eight) awesome. I cleared my throat trying to act like is wasn't staring, which I totally was.

"Ah! Piper I was expecting you," Chiron stood looking at me.

"Yeah, hi ," I replied giving him my best 'who the fuck is in front of me' look.

"Well," thank God he can always read me,"Piper this is Jason, Jason this is Piper."

Jason held out his hand to shake and said, "Hey."

I was really thinking, who the hell still shakes hands? But I took his anyway and shook, "Hi," I replied.

What I did not expect (once again) was an electric shock to shoot up my arm when our hands made contact. You might be thinking, it was probably just static. But no way was that static, it was like the feeling you get when you hit your funny bone, but it seemed to do that in my bloodstream or something. It shot up my arm and disappeared. I think he noticed too because we were both staring out our hands intently. His large hand enveloped my small one and they seemed to fit together perfectly. He was so much taller than me he seemed a good 6'2 while I was only 5'6. You do the math because I sure as hell won't. We both retracted our hands quickly.

"Ummm, s-so I kinda need.." Jason trailed off with his sentence turning to Chiron with pleading eyes. I could feel my cheeks heating up and his we're probably doing the same based on the light pink traveling up his neck.

"Oh!" He started turning to me,"Jason is new here, so we're going to need to give him a 'buddy' to show him around his classes. I was hoping you could do it Piper."

"Oh, I don't know ," I was trying to get out of this because I really did not want to converse with someone my age, I haven't needed to for five years I don't need to right now. And honestly, he was extremely attractive and that would pull a lot of attention to me and I definitely did not want that.

"Piper," he gave me a look that read 'you will do this' so basically I had no choice, "You and Jason have the same schedules so it would be good for you and him if you show him around."

I sigh, rather loudly might I add, "Fine," I say exasperated. I then turn to Jason and ask him for his locker number.

"Uh...109," he says to me holding out a slip of paper. His locker was only a couple down from mine.

"Follow me," I ordered and turned on my heel and walked out of the room dragging my lifeline on wheels behind me. I walked down the hall while pulling my phone out of my bag to check the time, it read 7:55. I had five minutes before people started to file in and I wasn't wanting to get caught in that mess.

"Here, enter your code and then go back to the room you were just in, that's homeroom," I tell him after showing him his locker.

I started quickly back down the hall to get back with only two minutes to spare. It then hit me I hadn't sat down in a long time. My breathing started to get ragged on me but I kept going. I was panting now trying desperately to get to class where I could sit down. Then I started to get woozy and leaned against the wall for support. Everything was starting to blur and black spots were dancing in front of my eyes while I started gasping for air.

"Oh my God! Are you okay? Piper!" I saw Jason rushing towards me his locker open and forgotten. I was starting to fall towards the ground. Right at the last moment strong arms wrapped around my small waist and hoisted me up like I weighed nothing. I faintly remember the soft noise of the bell ringing and teens filling the halls.

"Shhh, Piper your gonna be fine, Piper your fine, Pipes your gonna be alright..." Jason whispered to me rushing down the hall to the nurses office weaving through startled teenagers.

Then everything went black.


	3. Chapter 2

I awoke with the feeling of pure dread. I'm not surprised though, I feel dread almost every passing hour of my life. Nothing, a voice whispered In my ear. This time I was sure it was a person, a real person. I felt hot breath tickling my ear, sending shivers of cold down my back. I was suddenly frozen with my eyes lightly shut, my breath steady, and my body completely relaxed. The only sound I could hear was the rapid beating of my heart. Then I opened my eyes and my breath hitched. I quickly sat up and frantically looked around the room. Empty, the only other present thing in the room were the demons in my mind. That's when it hit me. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't even take the time to realize where I was. Everything was all too familiar, the single window on one of the four wall. The faint beeping of a monitor beside me, the minuscule television resting in front of me. An I.V. stuck into my right arm. Hospital.

I was still relishing in the fact I was here when I could be back at school, where I could shut the world out when a man walked in.

"Ah! Piper your awake, it's great to see your alright," a man, ahem, doctor told me with a bright smile on his face. He looked in hid early thirties with blond gelled up hair, a carefree bright smile, and blue eyes. He had a nametag on his white coat that read .

"Well, I'm glad to be awake too, but why exactly am I in the hospital? I thought I was just going to the school nurse," I replied to him. I really was confused too. I've passed out before at school, and I had never been taken to the hospital.

"Well, you see , we have an update on your condition, and due to it we thought it would be best if you came," he said with a solemn look in his eyes. Oh no, this is not happening. I was dying, wasn't I? Well it wouldn't be so bad. I could finally leave my fucked up life, and final rid myself of my demons.

"You see , your lungs seem to be giving out on you faster than expected. We are going to have to put your name on the donor list," looked at me, he was searching for emotions. He wouldn't find any though. I had spent years practicing the art of being unreadable. It came with being invisible. No one could break my wall. All I want right now is an escape. Books, I needed books. I needed my swing in my forest. I needed an escape.

"Okay, well when can I leave?" I was going to be very nonchalant about this. People would call me emotionless. I wasn't, I still cried myself to sleep most nights, dealing with the feelings. Dealing with the sadness I couldn't have friends. That I couldn't have freedom. That I may escape into a different demeanour during the day, but I could never escape my sickness. My escape isn't possible.

"Uh.." He looked very confused about my reply, good," well your going to have to do a little paperwork to get on the list, but other than that you to leave."

"Good, because it's only 12:00 o'clock and I want to make my afternoon classes," when it came to people that weren't my age I would talk to them, but only in a clipped manor. No matter how many adults tried to break my wall, their hammer seemed to break.

After all the paperwork I decide to go back to school. There are only two hours left in the which means I only have English and Greek left. These are the two classes I actually enjoy, instead of wallowing in self pity. I was just drowning in bad luck today because of course, as soon as I walked in the bell rung. Well, there goes trying to keep a low profile. Everyone saw what happened this morning. Not to mention it was mister hunk himself, Jason who carried me through the hall bridal style. With one. Fucking. Hand. Literally, he had one hand under me and the other was rolling my portable life. As soon as the bell wrung I ducked in the closest room, which just so happened to be a music room. I was happy too, no one had music sixth period. I sat down on the piano bench and slowly started to cry.

They were silent tears, so no sound joined with the stillness of the room. Well, almost no sound. My mind was sure as hell going off like a siren in here. Sometimes I believe I have become far to good at silent weeping. At home I make no sound and sometimes it doesn't even take tears for me to cry. Only the hitch of my breath and the feeling of desperation washing over my body. If anyone could see myself the way I we me- the way my mind talks- all they would do is cry. I was constantly standing on the line of giving up, and seeing how much more I could take. My body was now shaking with tears and my face had two streaks dripping with wetness. I was so caught up in my mind killing me I didn't hear the door open.

"Piper? Is that you?"I heard a very familiar voice ask. Jason was standing in front of me looking so worried it made me want to comfort him. He reached out and brushed my tears away.

I didn't understand him. I just met the guy today for heaven's sake! Yet when his thumb wiped my tears away I had a feeling like someone put a fraction of my heart back in place. A very small fraction, but a fraction. He pulled me into his chest and I hurried my face into the crook of his neck while he buried his face in my hair. I had no idea what I was doing but I didn't care, somehow this boy I only met hours ago had saved me from fretting the ground with my face and is now holding me broke my wall. People have tried with jackhammers and heavy artillery and this-this boy, broke it with what seems like a finger tap.

Jason slowly rocked me back in forth, whispering sweet nothings in my ear and rubbing comforting circles on my back. Somewhere during this moment I managed to choke out a word.

"W-Why..?" I whispered as my body was slowly getting its shit together.

"Why not?" He whispered In my ear and that was probably the best answer anyone could have given me. Somehow I just got this feeling in the pit if my stomach while he was holding me that was whispering that I would be okay for once.

He then stood and crouched in front of me and took my tiny hands in his large ones, it sent a pleasant shock through my body.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked me tilting my chin up with one hand so I could meet his eyes. I felt like breaking down right now and say screw you wall, I'm done. But I couldn't do that, I had only known him for a day. I looked straight into Jason's mesmerizing eyes.

"I'm just tired," I lied swiftly, but somehow I felt he wouldn't buy it.

"Tired of what?" He asked me. Jason was making this really hard.

"Tired of trying, tired o-of... I'm not living, I'm just breathing," I whispered the last part voicing my thoughts, I'm an idiot, a worthless idiot. This so unreal, he had to be playing me.

He didn't say anything, but I was so confused. How come he was trying, no one ever tries. I realized that I couldn't do this I couldn't let him in. I got up yanked my hand from his and grabbed the handle to my lifeline. I then walked out as fast as I could and right before I closed the door I whispered," I'm sorry,".

I'm afraid to tell people what's wrong with me because I'm scared it will destroy them, so I bury it inside where it destroys me. I'm messed up, a victim of my own mind. I don't know why I was cursed to have a fucked up life. I'm just a hopeless person. I was drowning in my own thoughts, my demons are just crawling in front of me, but also there behind me whipping my back. Trying to break me down, and eventually they 're going to succeed. I walked as fast as I could back to my apartment, my dad decided that I could have my own since he wasn't ever in the same state as me.

I walked upstairs after greeting our doorman to my New York loft. My loft wasn't much, but it was very cozy. All the walls but my closet and bathroom were made of exposed brick. I had hanging lights strewn throughout the apartment and candles lit everywhere, giving of the scent of vanilla. I had a gray Lazy Boy with pillows and throw blankets laying across it giving a more comfortable vibe. I had speakers throughout the place so I could listen to music no matter what room I was in. There was a large flat screen mounted in front of my couch that I watched movies on. The kitchen was my personal favorite place. There were concrete countertops and stainless steel appliances. I had a typical chefs kitchen with all the high-end stuff. it was the only room I took a lot of effort to make. I loved to cook, it was one of those things that calmed me down.

My bedroom was only for comfort and schoolwork. I had a huge king sized bed with a large poofy white comforter. I had various pillows that were either light blue or gray. I had fairy lights all across the room and candles lit on my nightstand. My desk was in the corner strewn with papers and my laptop sitting on top. My favorite part of the whole place was the balcony outside. Right beside the sliding door was a wall long bookshelf stacked to the brim with different types of books. It ranged from Stephen King thrillers to a poem book by Shel Silverstien. I adored books, and the balcony was my own special place to read. I had set up a tent out side that held a mass of pillows and blankets. Inside held one lantern, that took regular oil so I know when it burns out I have to sleep again. I sit out there every night enjoying the cold air of New York.

I sat down at the edge of my bed and took a few deep breaths. I just spilled part of my troubles to Jason. I'm so screwed, I just let him in because he seemed to care. I could never do that again. I had to avoid him at all cost now, even though my heart is screaming at me to go and fall into his arms, to tell him my sob story and let him hold me and whisper sweetness in my ear. I knew it was all too good to be true though, he was way out of my league. I was like playing t-ball and he was in the major leagues, I had no chance-wait what am I saying? That I like Jason, no way I have almost made my way through highschool without a boyfriend, I could keep going for another year and a half. He was confusing me though, I've never felt this way before. When my hand held his they fit perfectly together and the electric shock I got when he made contact with me felt amazing. The way I felt so protected in his arms like nothing in the world was wrong...he was messing with my head. I wanted him with me right now, holding me. Helping me sort out my problems. I needed someone.

"I need someone," I repeated out loud. I went and grabbed a random book and sat down in my tent lighting the lantern. I slowly drifted of to sleep with the dim light and the soft humming of New York below me. I slept with one thought on my mind, I needed someone.


	4. Chapter 3

**Oh my God. You people are great. I know I'm basically transforming over three reviews but it just feels good to know people are reading my story.**

**To answer a couple questions Piper wears makeup for a reason, an isn't super girly. That will be explained this chapter. As for Percy and Annabeth they will slowly be introduced into the story just bear with me.**

**This is going to be infrequent as for updating. I was sick today and bored most of the time they will be about a week apart.**

**Now enough of my babbling, Enjoy!**

I was walking down the hallway to get to my locker, I was not in a good mood today at all. I had woken up late this morning so I had to rush through my routine, causing me to have to redo my makeup. I never used to wear makeup, I still hate to. I do it to hide scars on my face. I know what your thinking, am I abused? Hell no, I just can't cut my arms. I am a self harmer and I am not proud of it at all; I have to though, it's my payback for being a worthless human.

I make small slits in my right cheek once a month, as punishment. For being weak, not standing up for myself. For letting them get to me. I can't do it on my arms, doctor visits make it impossible, but I can cover my face. I've gone numb to the pain, which I can't tell if it's a good or bad thing. It's like I've become so used to the routine, it's as easy as getting a cup of coffee, so normal. _Worthless_, a voice whispered In my ear. I'm starting to become accustomed to this demon haunting my thoughts, whispering insults in my ear. it's only voicing my sick conscious.

I popped open my locker and sadly as soon as I did Jason walked in the door. I have the sudden urge to run into his arms and tell him I needed him, but I can't I have to push him away. I had let down my defences yesterday and I can't do that again. I had to stay strong. _Weakling_, the demon whispered In my ear.

Only this time it wasn't a demon, it was real. Reyna. My very own torturer. All she needed was a black hooded coat and a sythe, she could totally death. She was the death of me. She shoved me into the lockers, her witches behind her. They were the top dogs of the school; Reyna Amerez was the queen bee. Basically the most cliche highschool girl you would ever meet. Behind her stood Rachel Elizabeth Dare and Drew Thornton. Rachel had red fiery hair that was as stiff as board falling down her back. Her green eyes glared at me in a frightening way. Drew was twirling a piece of her black hair around her finger staring straight at her nails. She was not the smartest of the group.

Reyna stood looking over me, staring straight down at me. She was a good three inches taller than me usually, but with black six in hooker heels she was a good nine to ten inches higher than me. She had her black hair in a braid down her left shoulder, it contrasted with her brown eyes. She was wearing a low cut tank top, low enough you could see the top of her push up bra. She was wearing the tightest jeans in the world, seriously. Like that's a fucking accomplishment if you can get those on.

"Well look what the cat dragged in, what do you think girls? Shouldn't we throw the trash back out?" Reyna smirked down at me like she just made the world's best insult. I was tired of her shit, but I couldn't make a scene. That would pull far too much attention towards me. So I get bullied daily by the school's very own sluts. I wouldn't be surprised if they stripped in the cafeteria for entertainment.

"I think the trash can is over there, Reyna," Rachel piped up in her squeaky voice. Sounded like cat nails on a chalk board.

"Really?" Reyna pretended to ponder my 'punishment',"well, let's clean the environment and pick up some trash."

She whistled very loudly and Luke Castellean and his buddy Ethan Nakurama stepped out of the shadows wearing there varsity jackets. _Jocks_. They walked over to me and while Luke pulled the nubs from my oxygen tank out of my nose Ethan picked me up by my waist. I started to kick wildly, hoping to make sure no more Ethan spawns could be made. Too late though, Luke tossed my tubes on the ground and grabbed my legs as Ethan grabbed my arms. They carried me towards the trash and I had to stop fighting, because without oxygen I was going to pass out. With one swift motion they tossed me in. It reeked like a dead carcass in here.

"Well boys, our work here is done," Reyna stated while turning on her heel and sashaying out. They rest of her crew walked out after her.

I began to attempt getting out of there but I had no oxygen, I was tired from putting up a fight, and due to the smell I couldn't really get in a good breath. Then I got an idea, I saw Jason walk in here before this happened so many he will find me. Wait, bad idea. I couldn't let him see me vulnerable again, that would be the death of me. I slowly grabbed the edge of the trash can and with one final breath I pulled hard and somehow ended up out of the trash. I smelled like sewage, and I felt like a piece of shit. I was a complete worthless loser. Sitting there letting Reyna get to me again. I kicked as hard as I could at locker before falling over. I really needed some air.

I started to scoot over to my tubes, I was panting right now. I desperately needed a good breath. I grabbed the tubes and shoved them into place. I leaned my back up against the lockers behind me taking slow breaths. That could have been really bad. If I didn't get to air faster I would probably of blacked out and if no one found me, I would've slowly died. It wouldn't feel too bad. No one would miss me, I had no siblings, my mother left me, no friends. I cared for my father, but he was away enough he wouldn't of noticed immediately. I was worthless, nothing in the world would have changed if I was gone.

As I was thinking I didn't notice two people walk through the entrance doors. The voices sounded familiar, male and female. I was too tired to open my eyes and see who they were though, but I had a feeling. I heard soft footsteps coming towards me. They stopped in front of me and I opened my eyes. As they adjusted I notice two familiar black and blond haired people.

Annabeth Chase and Percy Jackson, the only two people that seem to make a very large effort to be my friend. I wouldn't let them though, I would ruin them, make their lives hell. They were both popular people in the since Percy was basically the second hottest guy in our school, he used to be first but because a certain person I'm questioning his rank. He had black hair that was always messy but in a cute way. He adorned sea green eyes that sparkled with amusement. Annabeth was almost the exact opposite, she had perfectly curled blond hair and startling gray eyes. They were the absolute best couple though. Their faces light up at the mention of each other's name and when it come to looks they gave each other it was complete adoration.

"Oh, Piper what happened?" Annabeth asked me crouching down to look me in the eyes. I wouldn't meet hers though I had to get out of here. I can't let them in.

"Nothing, I'm fine," I said back to her getting up and quickly walking down the hall to Chiron's room.

"Piper! Wait!" Annabeth called back to me, but I didn't turn around I opened Chiron's door and the last glimpse I got of them was Percy holding Annabeth to his chest whispering to her.

"I just want to help her. I want to know her," Annabeth said looking back down the hall while I shut the door.

I leaned against the door with my hand still gripping the handle so tight it hurt. I let out a long sigh, it tore me apart that I left them standing there, upset. I couldn't do that to them though, I couldn't make them be friends with me, I wouldn't let them. I would become a burden to them, I couldn't destroy them. I was cursed, everything I touched seemed to shatter before my eyes. I feel like I have nothing to hold on to. As I put my hand up to grip the edge, to save myself from falling, my fingers slip. It feels like I'm desperately clawing at ice, trying to find a way to hold on, but ultimately failing.

I opened my eyes to find Chiron sitting at his desk grading papers, and to my surprise Jason sitting in the back of the room reading a book. I took a deep breath and stood straight walking over to the back of the room, sitting beside of a window, as far from Jason as possible. I slipped out my sketchbook, I draw. It's a way of releasing my demons. I feel if I draw them they would become imprisoned in the paper, unable to escape. I slowly sketched out a girl, she had her knees brought up to her chest, her hands were gripping her head, tangled in her hair. I then sketched out a swirling black mist swirling around her head and gradually becoming larger as it went higher on the page. I then started shading in my drawing as the bell rung.

People filed into the class like soldiers, well other than the fact they were extremely loud. I suddenly had a massive headache and started fishing around in my bag for some Advil. I popped two pills in my mouth and with a sip of water swallowed them down. I glanced up at the window, the day was cloudy, but not rain clouds. They were bright white clouds, the kind you see in cartoons where castles sat on top of them. I wish I was a bird sometimes, because I could explore the world, and maybe find a kingdom in the sky.

Chiron started to call out roll, but he didn't say my name. He always skips over it because I'm always early. He knows if I'm here or not, he also knows if he called attention to me I would gut him. I know I seem about as violent as a bunny, but if you pissed me of I would tear you limb from limb. After he finished with roll everyone was allowed to talk, our homeroom was only thirty minutes, due to the fact it's basically for announcements and roll call. I pulled my sketchbook back out and flipped to the picture I was working on. I had finished coloring my demons in and now I was busy detailing the untied converse on the girl's feet. That's when someone tapped on my shoulder, I ignored them and focused back on my drawing, I was going to finish it this period I hoped. That's when someone tapped me again, they were starting to irritate me. The next time they tapped me I whipped my head around pissed. Only to meet a pair of electric blue eyes.

"What?" I hissed. There was no way I was going to talk to him, I'll make him stop and get on with my life. He put his hands up in surrender.

"I was just asking if you felt okay," Jason told me, he looked sincere but I wasn't letting him in again.

"I'm fine, now I'm busy so goodbye," good, less than ten words. That usually makes people stop pestering me.

I turned back to my work leaving a worried looking Jason to stare at my back. I had now moved on to the girl's hair which was long and some bunches up in her hands that were on her head. I drew for the rest of the period, trying to ignore the little burning feeling I had in my heart from when Jason tapped me. It was so childish, all he had to do was tap me and somehow it made me feel super giddy. I gathered all my shit up when the bell rung and booked the hell out of there.

I was walking to my locker when I heard her voice. She couldn't just leave me alone, I had already wasted a third of a bottle of perfume because of her. She was a total bitch and I was tired of it.

"Hey, I thought we already cleaned up the trash today Bitch," Reyna pulled me roughly by my shoulder forcing me to turn around.

"And I already thought the bus left for slutville, but I guess you'll have to catch the 12:00 o'clock," I replied glaring at her, okay where did that come from. I never talked back to her before.

"Well look who got a mouth, turns out worthless whores can talk," she told me and spit in my face, I couldn't do anything about it though, Ethan and Luke held my arms back. I still had free reign of my legs though, and I stomped as hard as I could on her prada shoes. She yelped and growled at me, refocusing her glare.

"You are asking for it, McLean," she then slapped me right across my face. _Ouch_. It didn't hurt too much really I'm basically numb, I can barely feel pain.

I then broke from the grasp of the two man-whores holding me down and turned on my heel. I walked down the hall to my next class holding my head high. There would definitely be a red mark tommarow, but I didn't care. Nothing a little makeup couldn't fix.

Let's skip to lunch, I sit in the school tower when I eat lunch. It's the farthest place from everybody and high enough where it's quiet and windy. I love the wind, it gives the illusion of running when it's pushing in your face. So, anytime it's windy you'll find me outside.

Now you might be wondering, why does Reyna hate me? I honestly couldn't tell you. She just seems to single me out as the sick kid. So I am easy to mess with if I don't have my tubs. She's picked on me everyday since freshmen year. It was the end of seventh grade when I stopped trying to make friends, I was twelve then. I'm not going to tell you the sob story though, it's nothing special. I just got tired of trying so I stopped trying. End of story. Reyna has forever picked on me because I was an easy target. I had no friends, so no one was there to stick up for me. I just gave up trying to stop her, today was the first day in years I retorted a comment to her in years. I was just as surprised as her.

All this sudden I heard footsteps coming up the stairs to the tower. I was the only person who knew that there was a way up here. It was freaking me out, like what if someone followed me? What if it's one of Reyna's goons coming to push me of the tower. I armed myself with a large stick sitting on the ground and stood up slowly. I walked towards the entrance and was ready to strike. The intruder came into sight and...

"Whoa!" Jason caught the stick right before it hit his head, that could have been nasty. Suddenly I felt really bad. I just about gave a very attractive person a concussion.

"Sorry! I thought you were someone else," I apologized quickly, I'm hoping he's not mad.

"I didn't mean to scare you, I was just exploring and found a staircase," Jason told me setting the branch down on the ledge beside us.

"You just stumbled upon a hidden staircase?" I did not believe him at all.

"Yes?" He said. I think he was trying to sound confident but it came out as a question.

"Sure..."

"Are you calling me a liar?" He was horrible at lying.

"You don't deserve the title of liar, your basically dishonored all liars with your horrible skills," I said looking him straight in the eye.

"That hurt," he told me holding a hand over his heart like he was wounded.

"But seriously, how did you find this?" I really was confused, unless...

"I saw you come here and I followed you," He told me rubbing the back of his neck nervously. I just realized I was talking to him. That's not okay I have to get out of here. My whole body was screaming at me to stay but part of my brain told me to get out of here before I fall apart again.

"Well, um, I have to..uh.. go," I stumbled over my words pointing at the door.

"Okay..I just-uh I wanted to..." He trailed off with his sentence and I took that as an opportunity to leave. I went quickly down the steps ignoring Jason's calls for me to come back. I did not need this right now.

The rest of my classes passed quickly so I could get home. I didn't feel like going home today though, it was Friday. I hopped onto the subway that took me to the edge of town. I then hailed a taxi and gave them an adress. The driver took me out of the city down a dirt road and parked in front of an old house. I paid and thanked him before climbing out.

I skipped the house completely and went behind it to a forest. There was one path going through the trees. I started to follow the pathway, while I was walking I admired all the old trees and flowers spreading around me. This was the place I went when my life got way to fucking confusing.

I broke out of the trees into a clearing, right in the middle was a large lake surrounded by hills and trees. On the closest tree to the water sat an old wooden swing. My dad owned this land, before I was diagnosed we used to spend summers out here. I would sit on the swing while my dad pushed me. I remember screaming,'Higher! Higher!' at my dad while he sent me flying above the trees. I missed those days.

I sat down carefully on the old swing. I wish I could still swing, but with my tubes I couldn't get a foot of the ground without tangling and ripping my tubes from my nose. I sat here listening to the birds chirp, staring at the water like it would fix my problems. I had one fucked up life.

Once the sun started to peak over the mountains I called a taxi and sat on the front porch while waiting. I wasn't sure what to do about Jason. He looked like he wanted to ask me something, but I took off before he could ask. I couldn't let him though. Me answering questions would mean a conversation, and conversing lead to friendship. That can not happen. I wasn't ready to have a friend. I couldn't have a friend. Yet, I wanted a friend.

The taxi pulled up interrupting my thoughts, I climbed in pulling the door shut behind me. On the drive back all I did was stare outside at the scenery flashing by. I would just play this by ear, I decided. The taxi pulled up beside my apartment and I climbed out, I walked up to my room and opened the door. I hadn't eaten dinner yet and it was 9:00 o'clock at night. I started to mix some chicken stir fry up when my phone started ringing. I didn't get calls often so it could only be one person. Caller ID confirmed my suspicions.

"Daddy?" I asked.

"Pumpkin? I haven't heard your voice in a long time! I have great news,"

"Really? Tell me!" usually when he says this it means he's visiting. His visits are always great.

"I'm coming home for the next month, I'm taking a short leave for my baby," he told me. A month?! He usually only comes for a few days. I was glad I decided to have a guest room installed here.

"A whole month?"

"Yup, all for you,"

"Wow, I'm so happy when do you get in?" I asked while seasoning my stir fry.

"Tommarow!" He told me. I squealed, and I never squealed. I just couldn't contain myself. I missed my dad so much it hurt.

"Well, I have to get off the phone! I need to clean, I'll pick you up at the airport?"

"Of course baby, see you tommarow Piper." He then hung up the phone.

I jumped up and down and finished making the stir fry. I took my portion and stuck the rest in a container for leftovers. I was so excited to see my dad again tommarow it hurt.

Right before I went to bed I went to the bathroom. I took out my razor blade and stood in front of the mirror. I slowly pressed down on my right cheek twice making two lines. The first was for Reyna throwing me in the trash. _I was trash that needed to be thrown away_. The second was for the slap._Worthless._

Worthless.


	5. Chapter 4

I woke late the next day, I had slept with blood on my face. Now it's dried and is starting to crumble off. If only life would be so easy. Everything you worry about just dried away and crumbled off your mind. Left you.

I slowly sat up and looked to the giant framed map of the world in front of me. There was no glass casing on the front of it so I could write on it. I have yet to do so, I felt there was no reason to look for a new destination when I'm trapped. I climbed out of my bed and grabbed a flannel shirt, a white tank top, and a pair of ripped jeans. I walked into my bathroom surveying my cuts in the mirror. They weren't deep. Only deep enough for me to bleed. I feel that bleeding is the way pain escapes our body. Like, the true feeling is the object pressed against you hurts, bleeding doesn't hurt. It is just pain leaving.

I flip the shower switch on to the appropriate temperature and let it heat up. I slowly start stripping my clothes from my frail body. I looked in the mirror. I looked so normal, like a regular human on the outside. How could someone so regular looking have such a tortured mind? I could feel the heat radiating from the water as I stepped in the shower. I slowly started humming Rhythm of Love by Plain White T's. Soon I was full on singing.

I believe when a bird is singing in its cage it's really crying, I feel like that. I cry in the shower because it's impossible to see my tears. I'm not sure why I cry anymore, I just do it. I feel like maybe if I cry the misery will leave my soul. Yet I have no such luck.

After I had scrubbed away the last reminents of blood I dry off. As I blow-dry my hair I think. I'm falling apart and I can feel every piece hit the ground, and its killing me. I slowly feel my heart tearing into my soul and my soul tearing my heart apart. I can feel my mind mercilessly eating itself from the inside, slowly driving me insane. I wanted to be a different person. To feel free with no worry.

I apply foundation to my face, heavier to my slits. I then put a thin coat on of mascara and blush. I quietly laced up my combat boots, enjoying the silence of my home. I wish my mind would shut up for a good five minutes. I wish I could run away for a while and forget the world, but I can't. I pulled my hair into a high ponytail and grabbed the keys to my silver Mercedes.

I started my car up and left. I parked at a Starbucks near our school, to have a little normalcy in my life is a nice change. I walked in and stared at the long line in front of me. Come on all I wanted was some coffee, not super bowl tickets! I sighed loudly, I was really fucking tired. I then spotted a familiar blond head of hair and blue eyes. More importantly, I think he spotted my chestnut hair and dark eyes. Uh Oh. He slowly started walking over to me, I think he wants to start a conversation, which isn't good.

"H-Hey Piper," he stuttered. He was really cute when he stuttered, his cheeks turned pink right afterwards.

"Hey Jason," I whispered quietly, no need to seem like I really wanted to talk to him. Which I did, but I can't. Making friends with him is like playing with matches, and I have a paper heart.

"I was, uh, wondering if you wanted to have c-coffee with me?" He asked rubbing the back of his neck nervously. I had to say no, I couldn't get involved. So that's what I did.

"Sure, I'll have some," I replied. Wait, what?! No, that was not suppose to happen stupid, stupid brain!

His face lit up immediately, "Cool, I can wait for you to get a drink."

"Okay," I said as quick as possible with him still being able to understand. He walked away and I saw him fist-pump as he sat down. I couldn't help the small smile that came onto face.

I wish it didn't happen though, because I haven't smiled in years, not since my mom left. Then that absolutely ridiculous feeling enters me again. The feeling of absolute happiness and adoration. I felt so safe when I was cradled in his arms. I just wish I was worth something and maybe I would deserve him. I don't deserve anything though, I don't deserve love or whatever this childish feeling I get is. This immature absolutely stupid feeling. It can't be real.

I walked over to Jason and sat down in front of him, he looked up and smiled. I returned the gesture, no! Stop, I have to stop smiling. I sipped my coffee silently praying this won't last long. I really couldn't get involved.

"Hey, uh I wanted to see if you wanted to eat lunch with my friends and I Monday, they said they've always wanted to talk to you," he told me giving me a charming smile.

"I guess I could, I don't see the hurt in it," I'm not weak I swear, but man; he really has a gorgeous smile. It did weird things to me, and no not what your thinking pervs.

"That's great!" his whole face brightened and I was suddenly really happy that I sat down. Seeing him happy somehow made me feel really great. Like, really great; almost as if I influenced his mood.

"Here," I scribbled my number on a slip of paper, I was so going to beat myself up for this later,"You can text me anytime, or call."

"Thanks," he told me, immediately entering my number in his phone. Then suddenly my phone beeped, I gave Jason a look.

"Its just so when I text you, you won't think it's a serial killer," he told me flashing a grin. And with that I burst out laughing.

"What's so funny about that?" Jason asked me giving me a quizzical look.

"I-it's just, no one else texts me, so I just found it funny as if a serial killer would text me," I told him wiping the tears from my eyes, I haven't laughed in years. And something in my gut told me this is good and bad thing.

"I don't believe you, there is no way someone like you wouldn't have people blowing up your phone," he seriously didn't believe me, I didn't have any friends, I'm too much of a steamroller. Having me as a friend would be a very large burden.

"Well, I really don't have any friends," I whispered really quietly, not meeting his eyes. He took my hand and gave a reassuring squeeze.

"I'll be your friend Piper," he spoke softly to me. This time I had to look in his eyes, ignoring the shiver (good kind people) that I got when he touched me; I searched his eyes. He was being completely truthful, suddenly my heart soared. I wanted him to be my friend so badly, but I couldn't do that to him. I would destroy him and I would rather destroy myself than hurt him.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't do that to you," I whispered to him while gently slipping my hand for his and wiping the forming tears in my eyes. I got up slowly and walked out of the door holding myself, letting the tears fall silently. I'm afraid of this feeling, because I know I can't fight it forever. I can't stay away from him forever, especially when he tries this hard. I would rather give him time to see if he wants to change his mind first. Then, I could throw myself into his arms if he is absolutely positive he wants to ruin himself. I didn't want him to throw his life away, I would ruin him; I'm sure of it.

I turned the corner of the street, walking as fast as possible. I quickly walked into a small bookstore, I was glad to be surrounded by something I loved. Books are a way I lose myself. I can travel into other worlds, into the body of the main character, and for once feel something other than emptiness. It always surprises me how much space emptiness takes up. It sounds so strange, but trust me if you felt this way you would agree with me.

I sat down at the little cafe inside the store and set the book I had picked up on the table in front of me. I had pulled Divergent from one of the shelves, people keep talking about how good the book is, but after the last book they wanted to punch a wall. I chuckled when I read the reviews online, so much rage and so much praise. Sounds like my life, I praise the regular people for their normalcy and rage at myself and my idiocy. Haha, if only they got it.

I broke down again and the tears resurfaced, but this time they seemed trapped. I could feel them but they wouldn't leave my eyes. I wiped them furiously. I was done crying, I was done with people. If someone sees me cry I automatically feel bad. I don't want to be depressed, it's not like I woke up one day and said, "Hey wonder what it will be like to hate myself" it wasn't like that at all. If I had the choice to be joyous or depressed I would say joy without missing a beat. I couldn't run from it though. I could escape everything but my mind. And that's why I'm going fucking insane.

I hear the soft jingle from the bell of the door and look over slightly. I almost wish I didn't because my eyes met with blue ones. Jason silently walked towards me, worry and hurt clear in his eyes. He walked over to me and scooped me up in one swift motion. He pulled me close to his body and I buried my head into his chest. My arms were wrapped around his neck and his around my waist. I didn't cry this time though. I just relished in the comfort he gave me. I felt safe with him, and my demons vanished from my mind and the empty pieces of me swelled with temporary glue and pieced it together. I wanted him to make it permanent glue and hold me together. Neither of us had spoken yet so I decided to break the silence.

"Why did you come after me, I don't think you understand Jason," I told him looking up into his startling eyes, "I'm doing this to help you, I would hurt you if you were my friend."

He studied me silently, and as he did worry filled his eyes,"Piper, I want to be your friend, I want to be there for you to destroy a little, so you won't completely lose yourself."

"Lose myself?" I gave him a look, how did he know. I'm falling to pieces, please hold me tighter, I think.

"I can see it in your eyes, Piper. I can see that your hurting and I want to help you before you give up," He told me stroking my cheek softly, gazing into my eyes. He really got me, and I was so sure I wasn't wearing my heart on my sleeve.

"But I don't want to hurt you," I told him grabbing his hand and playing with the fingers.

"I don't care if it hurts me Pipes, it matters that it hurts you, and its been hurting you." He told me gently lacing our fingers together. I didn't dare look into his eyes, I was scared of what they would tell me, that this was all a lie. He then lifted my chin softly, forcing eye contact. His eyes were pure in a way of truth. He then lent down and softly kissed my cheek. What I didn't get was why he did that. We had only known each other a few days, and have never had a real conversation.

"Why did you kiss me? We have barely spoke," I asked him while softly touching the burning place where his lips were present a few moments ago.

"We may not have spoken much, but your eyes scream a thousand words. I feel like I've known you my whole life, and I want to be your friend Piper, please?" He gave me a look of desperation and something else, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

"I don't know if I can Jason, I can't just let you into my life," I told him and he gave me such a hopeless look and his eyes drained of happiness I had to add, "But I can try."

His spirits lifted immediately and he turned back to me and gave me a soft embrace. I buried my head in his chest again and he buried his in my hair. I took a slow and quiet breath trying to clear my head of all the heartbreak I was going to go through after he realized I was a bad idea. He broke our hug and I suddenly felt very cold inside from lack of physical contact. He then entwined his fingers with mine and the fuzzy feeling was back.

"I'm not going to let you down Piper, I'm not like most people," he told me looking into my eyes. I was so lost in his eyes for a moment. People are right, they are a gateway to your soul. Or at least to emotions. He had hope filled eyes and... uneasiness? I just said yes to him being friends, unless... No, he wasn't scared I would leave him, right? Maybe I wasn't the only one with doubts.

"I have to go Jason, but please your the only one I've let through my walls in a long time, I'm going to need you." I told him hoping he got it. I wasn't clingy, I just needed someone's shoulder to cry on more than the other person.

"I'm gonna tell you again, I'm not going to let you down Piper," he told me giving me a little peck on my cheek causing another burning sensation. I slowly and sadly unwound my small hands from his large ones and stood on my tiptoes. I gave him a small kiss on his cheek and smiled at him.

"I have to get my dad from the airport, but...thanks," I told him turning around with one last smile and grabbing the handle to my oxygen tank.

I walked out of the bookstore deciding to remember the place for other times I need to get away. There was a small fading sign that read, Olympus Books. I took a mental note and walked down the street to my car. I got in slowly and turned the heater on. It was 32° outside and I was done. Seeing my breath from the cold isn't as exciting as it used to be. It used to mean fun snow days, but now it means cold days locked up alone.

I put the car in reverse and started my way to the airport. I turned the radio on to a random station and listened to I Feel Alone by The Naked Brothers Band. It described me well, even surrounded by people I feel so alone. Don't tell me I'm not alone because at 3:27am on a Friday morning when I'm smothered in darkness with heavy thoughts and what ifs, clutching a tear stained pillow. I sit up and look around the room to see the only person here is me, the only person who understands is me, and the only one who hears the cries is me. Don't tell me I'm not alone because that is false. Your not the one engulfed in sadness, its me. So I am alone.

I turn into the parking lot of the large airport and get out. I plaster a fake smile on my face for my dad's sake. I hope he doesn't notice the hurt in my eyes. I slowly walk forward to the door and open it. I then take a stroll through airport precautions to gate seventeen. I see my dad looking quite lost and chuckle to myself. He is such an idiot.

"Dad!" I call out to him trying to direct his attention to me so he'll stop looking like a lost puppy.

"Piper?" He looked around until he spotted me, I don't think it was hard I was waving my arms around like a fucking crazy person. Which I am.

"Piper! It's so good to see you again, I've missed you so much," he told me engulfing me in a bear hug. I could feel tears trickling down my cheeks, but these were happy tears. I hadn't seen my dad in ages.

"Aw, Piper why are you crying?" My dad asked wiping the tears from my eyes. I smiled through the tears hoping that would be enough to tell him I was fine. Well as fine as I've been in a while. I feel like a little girl again in my dad's arms, I feel safe. But, it feels different from Jason and Dad. With Jason I feel loved and protected but with my dad I feel like a little girl again who was happy.

I looked up into my dad's eyes,"I'm fine dad, I just missed you," I stumbled over my words because I was choking on happy tears. I felt relieved he was here. We could probably act like a normal father and daughter, watching movies, eating way too much, and just being normal.

I might not hurt so much with him here, With Jason too, something tells me.

"Well, I'm here now Piper, I'm here now," he whispers in my ear while wiping my tears away. I laugh a little and hug my dad again.

We walk out of the airport laughing at horrible jokes, feeling better in each other's presence. I missed my dad so much, I haven't seen him in three months. It's really hard to get a call in too, he's usually busy when I'm able to ring. I don't feel so alone with my dad beside me, maybe with Jason and my father I'll be better.

"Hey dad," I say looking up at him,"I wanted to tell you that I might have a friend, and it's a guy so don't flip your shit if I hang out with him."

My dad looks at me, and I swear I turn raspberry from his expression. He gives me a look of 'have you *ahem* yet?'. I slapped his arm as hard as possible and looked at him like he was crazy.

"Ow, I was just kidding Pipes," He was literally about to pass out from lack of breath now.

"Well, It wasn't funny dad. At. All." I glare hard at him trying to turn my eyes a scary gray, I think it worked because my dad shut up fast.

"Okay, Okay. I give, I give," He told me holding up his hands in mock surrender. I smirk at him proud of myself, I can hit pretty hard thank you very much. I burst out laughing again, it felt normal with our silly bantering. I missed my dad tons, I know I've said it about a million times but, I really missed him. Bad.

"Here's my car," I tell him pointing at my Mercedes. We both walk over and get in laughing at my dad's bad attempt at a joke. He literally told me a 'knock knock' joke. He was lucky he didn't do comedies, because if he did, he would have no acting career.

"Jeez Pipes,how did you get such a nice car?" He asked grinning like maniac.

"I don't know dad, Santa?" He got it for me last year for Christmas because I'm a December baby. My birthday is only five days before Christmas day.

"Oh har dee har har, Pipes," He flashed me a smile, he was lucky. He had a smile that actually met his eyes. I never had a smile like that since I was twelve.

"I know I'm hilarious dad, no need to laugh so hard," I say matter-of-factly.

"Alright alright, so you still have the apartment I gave you?" He asked me, I don't know why though.

"Where else would I live dad? The streets?" ah sarcasm, it is a very beautiful thing.

"I don't know, you might have wanted to rough it," he tells me laughing. I shoot him a half glare, but my smiling kind of ruined it.

"Yes dad, I still live there. For your information, I had a very intense cleaning session the other day," I told him, I really did. I thought I was going to scrub away my hands. It not that I'm a slob or something, I just don't clean often.

We pulled up to my apartment and took my dad's stuff from the trunk. He offers me his arm and I take it giggling like a crazy man. We skipped to the front door and my dad pulled it open.

"After you, madam," he said while bowing and gesturing inside.

"Why, thank you kind sir," I say while I curtsy to him. We walk in the lobby skipping again.

"How do you do sir?" I ask the lobby man smiling.

"Very fine madam," he told me with a smile on his face. He was an old man, the kind of guy who you would be proud to call your grandpa. With kind eyes he takes my father's luggage and puts it in the elevator.

"Thank you," my dad tells him and the lobby man tips his hat in response.

We pile into the elevator listening to terrible music. It dinged at the top floor, we were singing made up words to the elevator that made absolutely no sense. I was laughing really hard while my dad sang.

"And the cow says croak because it can," he was never a good singer, ever.

We stepped out of the elevator and I took my dad's hand and pulled him and my lifeline to the guest room. It was a fairly big room with cream coloured walls and two windows that overlooked the city. There was a king sized bed with a golden comforter that had pillows piled up on top. The closet was only about half the size of mine, but my dad's people sent me clothes, like, all the time so I actually need a huge closet. There were pictures on one wall. They were all old photographs, framed with old wood. A small desk sat in the corner with a lamp on top. My dad also had a nightstand beside his bed with a couple books he left the last time he visited on top of it.

"Here is where you are staying, dad," I tell him gesturing around the room.

"Thanks Piper, you had your mom's taste you know," he tells me looking around the room and setting his bags on top of the bed. I ignore the last part of his comment.

"Go ahead and unpack, I'm going to make some dinner. Jet lag will hit you soon, so you will want to sleep." I say exiting the room and closing the door behind him.

I enter the kitchen and pull out the ingredients to make spaghetti and set to work. As the water boils I make the homemade sauce, and think about what my dad said. You have your mom's taste. What was that supposed to mean, that I'm like that bitch? I wanted to be as far from her as possible when it came to well, anything. She left me, abandoned me, when I needed her most. I can never recall the happy memories of her anymore. All I can remember when someone talks about her is the day I woke up and found my dad crying.

_It was about three am in the morning and I was eleven years old, I woke up to a very strange noise. I heard a soft whimper coming from my parent's room. I got up slowly and wrapped a blanket around myself, it was cold as fuck. I slowly padded down the hall to the sound and as I got closer I recognized the sound. It was crying and what it bewildered me was it sounded like my dad. I slowly opened the door and took a peek inside. My dad was on his knees kneeling over what seemed like paper. He turned around to the sound of the door as I entered. He looked up at me with tears streaming down his face. I finally caught sight of what was in his hand, it was a letter and in the corner of the page scribbled hastily in cursive was love, Aphrodite. My dad slowly turned to me, fully now. And said a couple words that will never leave me._

_"She's gone,"_

I was woken from my day dream by the sound of the water boiling. I dumped the noodles in the pot and stirred them slowly. I didn't notice my dad walk in with his nose up, sniffing like a dog.

"Oh! Spaghetti, my favorite," he said sitting on the barstool in front of the island counter. He looked like a little kid watching his mom make cupcakes.

"I know dad that's why I made it," I tell him putting a smile on. The smell of cooked noodles forced my attention back to my task at hand. I took down two white plates and set them in front of me. I put noodle on both plates and then put some of my sauce on top. I added mozzarella to my dad's plate knowing he loved it like that.

"Dinner is served," I told him sliding his plate over to him and sitting beside my dad.

"Thanks Piper," he told me rubbing his hands together in a childish manor.

We both dug into our food like we hadn't eaten in days. I know I was hungry, I hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch. _Because you don't deserve it_, my demon whispered In my ear. I really didn't but one meal can keep me at bay. When we were done I rinsed the dishes and placed them in the dishwasher.

"I'm gonna hit the sack Pipes, jet lag hit me," My dad said standing and stretching.

"Jets lags a bitch," I tell him while adjusting the nubs in my nose.

"Well, goodnight Piper," he told me turning and walking into the guest room.

"Goodnight, dad," I call back to him. This month may be somewhat easier, I think hopefully. _Don't get hopeful, _the demon whispers, _things may be much, much worse._


	6. Chapter 5

I was walking down the halls on Monday morning trying to hide from the world in my sweater. It's a shame my oxygen tank makes a noise, because me being tiny would have helped at this moment. I had begged my dad to let me stay home today, before realising I had promised Jason to sit with his friends and him at lunch. Now here I am quickly walking down the halls trying not to have a panic attack about the social contact. This couldn't end well, I wasn't ready to talk to someone. Much less a lot of someones.

Jason had texted me the other day asking if I was still going to sit with him, I said yes stupidly. Why didn't I just say my phone was dead or something smart? _Maybe because I'm a worthless idiot who isn't capable of that much brain power_, I thought bitterly.

I had arrived at my locker now and I opened it up to take my books up when I felt a presence behind me. More than one actually. I slowly turned around hoping it wasn't who I thought it was. I was disappointed. _Stuff doesn't seem to work out much for a worthless human,_ my demon whispered to me.

"Look who showed up today, the bitch who thinks she can fucking talk back to me and get away with it," Reyna spat in my face, and then turning to her bitches in command. They were more like slutty henchmen, but hey who's judging? Oh yeah, me.

"What Reyna?" I asked quietly.

"You still think you can talk to us? Wow time for a lesson you worthless trash," Reyna poked me in the forehead and her cronies giggled behind her as she applied hand sanitizer after touching me.

Reyna then put on some rubber gloves (really?) and slapped me right across the face. It hurt like hell. I could feel the fire burning on my skin, not the good kind with Jason. The bad painful one. I didn't cry though, it's gotten to the point in my meaningless life that when something bad happens I don't feel sad, I just feel incredibly numb. I feel nothing.

Reyna now turns on her heel and walks away, she disposes her gloves while making a noticeable disgusted face. _Don't worry Reyna, I would be too. I am disgusting_.

I slowly slid down the lockers and sat on the ground crossing my legs. I'm still not sure why she picks on me, there are plenty of people in this school. Must be that I'm a easy target. No friends, no one to stick up for me. I was just the sick kid nobody likes, I don't even like myself. Sometimes I get so sad, I just shut down and stare blankly at a wall. It doesn't matter what you do or say, because at that moment I don't exist. At this moment I don't exist, I want to be anywhere but here. But I couldn't get away because at the source of it was myself. Everyone says destroy what destroys you, right? But what if what destroys you is yourself?

I heard footsteps walking towards me and this time the sounded more like sneakers than six inch heels. I looked up just enough to see the shoes and caught sight of a pair of black converse. I knew who it was, Jason. He was wearing a purple t-shirt, dark washed jeans and converse. He looked incredibly laid back and handsome. He met my eyes and he smiled to me before he saw my cheek. Then his face contorted into worry and anger.

"Who did this Piper?" He asked crouching down beside me and gently stroking my cheek, sending shocks of electricity through my skin.

"Reyna," I whisper not meeting his eyes, scared I'll collapsed again. He just somehow made me want to be okay again, it hurt that I was too far gone.

"Why Pipes?" he spoke softly to me, as if I was fragile.

"I don't know, she just picks on me, but I feel like deserve it," I tell him still staring at the ground. He lightly turns my head and I look in his eyes. Those wonderful blue eyes that showed me what I needed to see. He really was being nice to me, not charity.

"You never would deserve anything bad to happen to you, Piper," he says forcefully but still in a soft voice.

"Then what do you call all the people that have walked out because I ruined there lives. I'm just a burden," I tell him sadly.

"You could never ruin a life Piper, your too good for that," he says.

"Oh but I'm not Jason. I'm just a worthless human, who was cursed with some fucking disease that ruined my life. I am a huge burden to my father who for about 75% of my life isn't around because of his career. No one wants to be friends with the sick kid. The one that's just moody for attention. They all think I'm some attention seeking whore that just feels bad about herself for pity points. I'm not! And I'm sick of people think they're right about something they don't know about. Stop as asking if I'm okay. I'm tired of lying. Stop pitying me or saying that you understand. Depression isn't something you understand unless you've been through it. So stop acting like you do! Just stop, I want it all to go away, I want to run away, but I can't. You see Jason, I might die at any minute, the tragedy is that I haven't. The tragedy in my stupid fucked up life, is that I've never had the feeling of being wanted." By the time I have finished my rant there were tears streaming down my face. Happy tears, sad tears, and tears from all the bottled up rage.

Jason pulled me into his arms and I let all the bottle up emotions out in our school hallway. The time my mom walked out of my life, the day Reyna finally got to me, the day I gave up on trying. All those times came tumbling out of me through an angry sobbing. I wasn't even sad, I was incredibly pissed off at my idiotic self. My own personality is just some fucked up piece of shit. I was an incredible nothing, I seemed to have an invisible presence.

Through the early stages of depression I would act as if nothing was wrong, I would smile and laugh along with people in the hall. I would try for straight A's and would help other people. Then I just got so tired. One day I was just sitting there talking with a teacher, I was so tired from all the laughing and smiling I was doing while chatting it up. All of this sudden the fake smile dropped off my face and tears welled up in my eyes. I said some words that forever ruined me.

"I'm tired of trying."

I was exhausted, simply existing was becoming a full time job. It was now too, but I didn't have to please anyone this way. I wore clothes from the mall like everyone else, went on vacation. But now, I didn't smile anymore, I didn't laugh, I just sat with no emotions playing on my face and spoke nothing. I was one incredible nothing.

Jason had now shifted so that his back was against the lockers and I was sitting sideways on his lap. I had both my arms secured behind his back and my head pressed against his chest. He had his arms around my waist, holding me gently but in a protective manor. I then checked the time and realised we only had about ten minutes until the bell rung nd people filled up this empty hallway. Most people stay in the courtyard or gym before our bell. I looked up at Jason and we connected eyes, he slowly started to rub small circles with his thumb on my side, where his hand rested.

"We need to get to Chiron's room before the bell," I said softly.

"I agree, you need a moment," Jason said while lifting me off him and setting me down. He then stood and pulled me up beside him. He took my hand in his and intwined our fingers. I know this isn't what friends do, much less people that have only known each other over the week, but I feel like I've known him longer than that. Much longer.

"Your alright Piper, I'm with you right?" He asked while giving my hand a quick squeeze.

"I'm as good as I'm going to get," I told him squeezing his hand back.

"Better this than horrible, huh?" he said chuckling softly and opening the door for Chiron's room. We both walked in and took a seat in the very back. I was beside a window and Jason was beside me. The desk set up so that there was a small desk-like table that sat two people. I haven't sat beside someone since the beginning of freshmen year.

Chiron looked up from his papers and glanced to our direction.

"I see that you have arrived, I was starting to think my favourite students weren't going to be here," Chiron told us. I had a ghost smile when he said 'favourite students' but it didn't show on my face.

"Wouldn't leave you hanging dry, Chiron." Jason said flashing a grin and rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, our hands were still tangled together.

"Great because I know Piper would personally kill me if I did a partner project, but I decided I could do it if I paired you two together?" He asked, he seemed somewhat nervous that I would jump up and shank him or something.

"I guess I could do that," I whispered In a low voice. Jason unraveled his hand from my and comfortly rubbed small circles on my knee. It sent small tingles through my skin.

"Great! Then for mythology third period you two will be partners," Chiron said just as the bell rang.

Jason looked over to my cheek as Reyna and her slutty henchmen walked in. He softly pressed his lips to the red mark and I blushed like it was an Olympic sport. Reyna either didn't care or didn't see the interaction because she walked right up to our little two person desk.

"So Jason, I was wondering if you wanted to come sit with me? You don't need to give charity to Piper, she's always on her own," she said to Jason while twirling a piece of her black hair. Jason's eyes hardened and his face became expressionless.

"I really would rather not spend my time with bullies, I'd rather hang with Pipes, at least she's real," he said with a cold undertone. Reyna stomped her prada wearing foot like a five year old and went to plop down in a seat.

"Thank you," I whisper to Jason and lightly peck his cheek. I thought I blushed bad, but man he would be gotten the gold medal. He looks over to me and flashes grin. I return a small smile, it was probably very faint.

I suddenly got a flash in my mind for a drawing and pulled out my sketchbook. I slowly sketched out the body of a girl, she was standing on her tip toes reaching toward the sky with one hand. The other hand was clasped tightly to a dark soul. She had her eyes closed and I drew her wearing a white flowing dress with no shoes.

"Wow Piper, your an amazing artist," Jason said awestruck looking at my book. I blushed hardcore.

"I'm not actually that good, I really started a few years ago when my depr-" I said and suddenly stopped, I almost let myself call me depressed. I know I've said it before to him but not like this, not out in the open.

"Your great Pipes, don't doubt yourself," he said pressing his lips to the top of my head. He made me blush again! I'm going to be permanently crimson before our homeroom is over!

"Thanks," I told him, I sounded so shy around people. I'm going to be a stuttering, whispering mess at lunch.

The bell rung again and Jason and I had Mrs. Dodds for math. I was not ready for math problems this morning and I quietly whimpered. Jason pulled me into his arms and kissed the top of my head.

"Were going to get through this week together Piper," he said softly and took my hand down towards our locker row. I popped open my locker and took out my books. As I shoved the books into my bag Jason came back from his locker to walk with me. He was honestly confusing me. We were friends but we acted like a couple. We were kissing cheeks and foreheads, holding hands and each other. I'm not sure what I should feel, but I know what I want. I want him to feel the same fuzzy feeling in his stomach like I do. I want him to need me like I need him. I barely know him, and I'm probably going to hate myself for latching on so fast. But I need someone, I need him.

We sat down to go through the motions of the beautiful thing called math. (note the sarcasm).

··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··

I was having an inside war. I was contemplating running out of this place like a murderer was chasing me to escape lunch. Jason most likely sensed my discomfort because he gave my hand a soft squeeze.

"Piper, you will be fine. They're nice people don't worry," Jason told me. I was seriously doubting him and I really wanted to leave right now, badly. I wanted to go right now.

"I don't know Jason, your the first person my age I have talked to in years," I tell him quietly.

"I promise if you get too panicked, we'll leave immediately and run away," Jason promised me. I smiled up at him and he smiled down at me giving me a kiss on the cheek. I blushed furiously and gripped his hand.

"Thank you Jason, for sticking with me," I thanked him for about the millionth time.

"Stop thanking me Piper, I'm doing this for both of us," he said as we entered the cafeteria.

Before I could question him a group of mix matched individuals yelled at Jason to hurry up. A certain boy said to get his little white ass over here. The boy looked like a Latino elf and his hair was curly and out of control. What made me almost break down was two people sitting with the elf dude. Annabeth and Percy sat across from the guy, Percy had an arm snaked around Annabeth's waist and they were all staring at me and Jason's hands that were tangled together. I thought I was about to pass out when Jason smiled and walked over to the group, pulling me along.

"Hey guys!" Jason said happily towards the group of people who were now sharing knowing looks. They probably thought we were dating.

"Hey superman, mind sharing how the hell you got Piper McLean over here, we've been trying since freshmen year," the elf guy said. They all looked over to me and I was suddenly very interested in the floor. _Hey! Look there is a piece of gum on that tile_.

"I asked her Leo, and she's standing right there. Don't just ask me like she can't hear," Jason told the elf dude, Leo, a little forcefully with the last part. Jason and I sat down beside Leo and I hung my head. I felt like such a loser. I can't even speak, I'm not some mute. I just feel like I don't deserve this.

"So, Piper have you ever been to Olympus?" Percy asked me putting down his fourth piece of pizza. The guy had off the charts metabolism.

"Isn't Olympus a mythical place?" I ask back only loud enough for him to hear, Jason rubbed small circles on my back. He was trying to make me comfortable, but it's not that I feel uncomfortable. I just feel like these people are going to get sucked into my fucked up life. I didn't want to lose more people later.

"He means the giant arcade type place. The one with laser tag and games. Olympus Arcade." Annabeth clarified while elbowing Percy in the stomach, causing me to chuckle quietly. After my small half-laugh everyone's face brightened.

"Yeah, we were going tommarow after school and we wanted to know if you would come?" Percy asked putting on puppy dog eyes. Jason looked over to me with pleading eyes, and damn. I was a goner, his blue eyes killed me.

"I guess I could, but I can't do everything," I told all of them gesturing at my lifeline on wheels.

"We know, we just wanted to hang with you," Leo said while stuffing his face with nachos. I looked up finally and all of there faces went awestruck. I suddenly felt really self conscious, and started feeling around my face for something wrong. Jason took my hands down and held them in his own.

"Wow Piper, I'm jealous. You're really, really pretty," Annabeth told me. I blushed at her compliment and turned my head down again. I didn't think I was that pretty. The other boys nodded in response to what Annabeth said and Jason sent them a glare. Was he jealous?

"Uh thanks, but um I think lunch is almost over and, uh, I have to go," I stumbled over my words while getting up. Jason stood with me and took my hand. It sent nice tingles up my arm.

"Yeah bye guys," Jason said waving and then we walked out of lunch hand in hand.

"I can pick you up at your house tomorrow Piper," Jason told me once we were outside and I was taking deep breaths.

"O-okay," I said giving him my address. He then pulled me into his chest and held me.

"You did great Piper," he told me into my hair. I felt so empty and numb at the moment I wasn't sure what to do. I broke away from his arms gently and started to pace around.

"I didn't want to do fine. I didn't want to do great." I said while panic rose in my chest.

"Why not Piper?"

"Because, doing great meant they thought we'll of me and I can't let that happen. That would mean that I would have to start trying again, trying to smile and please. Trying to not break down and fall. The last time it happened I snapped in the middle of a conversation. I'm done crying all I want now is to scream. I'm such an idiot! I can't have friends Jason," I said in about two breathes.

"Aren't I your friend Piper?" Jason asked quietly, probably trying to calm me down. I was not calming down, I was flipping my shit right now.

"With you, it's different. We spend our whole lives making a disguise, masking ourselves. Then we search for the person that can see past it. You took a look at me and saw through the bullshit. No one before you has been able to do that before, not even my family." I tell him.

"You don't have to try Piper, just take the mask off," he said walking towards me.

"I can't! If I took the mask off everyone would see how weak and stupid I am. I just feel so empty!" I yell at the sky, not at Jason. I wasn't mad at him I just hated myself.

"How did you get so empty Piper?" He asked sitting down on a bench with me standing in front of him. I adjusted the tubs over my ears and sighed.

"When people leave they take part of you with them, so many people left. There's nothing to take anymore," I said with a melancholy tone.

"Please don't be sad," he asked me.

"Darling, you can't be sad when your empty. You can't be anything," I tell him sitting down beside him on the bench. Jason took my hand and squeezed it.

"How can I put something back inside you?" Jason asked me while looking in my eyes.

"Can I be incredibly selfish and ask for you to save me?" I asked him.

"That's not selfish Piper, that's needed. I can't save you by myself though. I need you to save yourself too," he tells me pressing a small kiss on top of my head.

"How can I save myself when I'm the one killing myself?" I asked him.

"Bye silencing the death, by banishing the darkness of your own mind," he told me.

"Oh, but it's not that easy. Death can never be silent. Everyone was born to die, there is no avoiding it. Some people die before they get a chance to see the stars. Some people die after a hundred years of a dark life. You see, I will die eventually. Death is inside me, the question is how long I can survive it," I tell him.

"Your incredibly brave Piper, you are surviving right now. It's a beautiful sadness inside you to be able to hold on so long when everyone has let go," Jason whispered In my ear.

"I'm not brave anymore, darling. I'm broken, they've broken me," I said numbly.

"Who broke you Piper?" He asked playing with my hair.

"Society broke me, the indifference of people. The negligence of their eyes, forcing them to look for joy instead of recognizing the sea of sorrows around them. I was a wave in that sea," I spoke in a far off voice. I had never voiced my thoughts before. I have a very dark mind that speaks in poems to me.

"In a sea there's always a calm, where's the calm in that sea?" He asked, Jason seemed to be interested my sad outlook on our lives. The words I used to describe our death and our sadness.

"The calm is the people who are masking it. The calm seems to eventually always turn into a storm. The calm before the storm is real. I masked all my emotions with fake smiles and laughs. I used to be the calm in the deep waters. Then I snapped into a raging hurricane, and I couldn't seem to locate the eye of the storm before I was ripped apart," I described to him, painting a vivid picture with my words in my mind.

"The eye of the storm is always there Piper, sometimes if the storm is large, it takes a longer time to locate it,"

"I see what you mean, but would it really take five years to locate the middle of the sadness?" I asked him.

"Sometimes Piper, it takes till the moment your on your deathbed to find the real purpose behind the storm. To find the source of the storm, the eye, and to live with the new outlook," he said with a far off look in his eyes.

"I could be on my deathbed tommarow with my condition, Jason," I point out to him.

"Then we should spend time enjoying the good things, as weird as it might sound," he said standing up and taking my hand. I stood with him and grabbed the handle to my tank.

"Are we leaving school, we already missed two periods," I asked him as we walk out to the parking lot, I don't drive to school so I was thinking he did.

"Yup Pipes, were going to your house, because my parents would kill me if I skipped school," he said while smiling. We got to his car and apparently he had money like my family. He had a black Audi R8 and I swear it was better looking than my silver Mercedes benz.

I would have told Jason we couldn't have gone to my place either because my dad was staying there, but we picked the perfect time. He had a business meeting at six tonight and he was with his 'people' right now getting ready. He wouldn't be back until tommarow because he was getting drinks afterwards with some old friends. I was just happy we could go to my apartment and act like regular teens (not what your thinking pervs). Jason had my address from earlier so we went straight there without saying a word.

Once we arrived to my huge apartment building Jason looked up, amazed.

"You live here?" He asked me looking down at me, he was a lot taller than me.

"Yeah, top floor the one with the tiny balcony," I said while I took his hand and we walked inside. I never really used the balcony, I enjoyed climbing the fire escape (which was a real challenge because I had to lug my small tank with me, sometimes I just don't take it). I sit on the roof and try to find stars, I made a game out of it. You barely caught a few due to New York's factories, but sometimes you caught a small glint.

We had made it up to my apartment and I was unlocking the doors with Jason standing beside me. I opened the door and Jason looked like a kid on Christmas.

"This place is awesome," he said looking around. I was glad he liked it, I loved my home. It gave off a cozy vibe which I loved. I had a large case of movies and video games set up beside my flat screen. I pointed to a coat rack beside the door. It was December right now so we were in coats, hats, and scarves.

"You can hang your stuff over there, we can just watch movies while we're here," I told Jason as he was taking off his multiple layers.

"Thanks, so what kind of movies do you have?" He asked me walking towards the shelf.

"Anything from musicals to horror films, you could probably find anything decent over there," I told him as he started rummaging around. I had taken off my black London fog coat, gray beanie, and white scarf. Now I was left wearing an oversized black knit sweater, grey Aztec print leggings, and a pair of purple fuzzy socks.

"Oh, we can watch Scary Movie Five, these things are hilarious," Jason said as he pulled it from my comedy sections. I am ocd when I came to organization.

"I could use a laugh," I said as I pulled a large fuzzy light blue blanket from a wired basket in the corner of my living room.

"Cool, I'll put it in then," he slipped the disc in my blu-ray and sat down on my couch. It was a tan sectional with an assortment of pillows and throws over it. I sat beside him after I turned off the lights.

Jason put one arm around my waist and I snuggled against his chest. We had the blanket over us and my legs were tucked to the side of me and Jason just sat with me pulled to him. We were watching the beginning and laughing our heads off, he had a beautiful twinkle in his eyes when he laughed and I wondered what colour my eyes were right now. They were most likely shifting from each colour like they did when I was happy, which I usually was around him. He made me feel not so broken anymore, I felt like I still had a little something left inside me. I think I was falling for Jason, a little too fast. I know it's going to hurt when I hit the ground, I just hope he'll be there to catch me.

I snuggle closer to him and wrapped my arms around his torso, praying that he wouldn't pull away. He didn't, he started to rub small circles with his thumb on my side, it tickled a little. Before I knew it the movie was over and we were starting some good ol' Disney. I put on The Little Mermaids, my favourite of all time.

Soon we had watched about four movies and it was nearing eight at night. We still hadn't eaten any food so I called some guy for pizza, I was starved.** (A/N I know Piper is a vegetarian in Uncle Rick 's books but this story she ain't, deal with it).** Once the guy got here I opened the door paid and went straight to the kitchen where Jason was spinning on a barstool.

I laughed,"What are you, twelve?" I asked him once he saw me and froze.

"Yeah on a scale from one to ten on how awesome I am," Jason told me while he snapped his fingers and gave me a ridiculous look. I was almost dying from laughing so hard.

"Whatever you say all mighty awesomeness," I teased him and take out a slice of pepperoni. Jason followed my actions but pointed his pizza slice at me.

"I like that title, we should stick with that," he said.

"Your a sarcastic little shit, Jason," I told him while I ate. He chuckled in response and finished his first slice going for another.

"It runs in the family," he tells me flashing a toothy grin. I scowl back playfully and he stuck his tongue out at me.

"Real mature buddy," I said while I sat down beside him, on the middle barstool.

"Haha, make your little snide comments. Turns out we're both sarcastic little shits," Jason told me while he ate about a third of his pizza in on bite.

"Slow down Jason, you going to choke," I said while I finished my first piece.

"I'm a growing boy, I need my food," he told me taking his third slice.

"If your getting any taller, soon your going to be more than half a foot taller than me," I said is I pulled my second slice out.

"Your just jealous, shorty," he laughed at my face, I was half heartedly glaring at him. He was making it hard because he looked cute when he laughed. Damn, I'm such a girl!

"Your lucky I like you, because otherwise I would have murdered you by now," I said with a straight face. I then bursted out laughing because he looked truly horrified.

"That wasn't funny," he grumbled.

"Your right it was hilarious, I can't believe you fell for that!" I said trying to desperately catch my breath.

"Oh looky there, no more pizza. That sucks," Jason said and frowned. He looked honestly adorable when he frowned. I stood up in front of him and turned the corners of his mouth with my fingers.

"Don't frown darling, you'll get wrinkles," I told him with my best posh British accent. Jason laughed and I giggled a little. After a few horrible puns and guffawing like idiots we were back on the couch getting ready to play Call of Duty. I know, I know, I'm a badass already and I play video games? How much better can I get? _You can't get better if your too far from it, worthless_, my demon whispered.

"Come on Jason, it's not that hard!" I yell at him as I gun down some random player. We were playing capture the flag on multiplayer right now and Jason dies again.

"Hey, I'm only about two kills behind you Piper, okay three," he said as I snipe someone.

"Okay, but seriously take cover for a second. Don't just run around," I said as another unsuspecting victim rounded the corner in the game.

"Fine," Jason grumbled softly. I elbowed him in the side as I got the flag.

"And yet another victory!" I yell in triumph as we have five.

It was getting later by the moment but we didn't care. After another hour or so of kicking ass and taking names we settled for Mission Impossible 3. I was curled into Jason's arms and my head was resting on his chest. He had his arms around my waist, hugging me to him. Before I realised it my eyelids were dropping and I was slipping off into my dreams.


	7. Authors Note!

**This is just quick Authors note, explains why update took a while.**

Hey guys, sorry my updating was so spread out. I'm just trying to make a schedule, and I got one! I'm making a new story called Beneath and its Percabeth. Now Way Out is going to be updated on Saturdays and Beneath will be updated Sundays.

I want to thank all of you for reading my books, and all the people that have reviewed. When I started to write this I expected maybe one or two people to read it, not as many that have. I've always loved writing and I found this site, suddenly I could write and use my favorite characters from books I've read. I've always written stories in my mind. Sometimes I get really fucking philosophical on myself and need to write it down. I found a way to do that and I want to thank you guys again for making me want to right more and more for you guys. Thanks for the inspiration.

-Antheniac


	8. Chapter 7

**Thank you all for the support, I really am liking where this story is leading. Jasper bomb has dropped in this chapter. I want to know if you think I made this prematurely or if it's fine where it is. I don't know I just couldn't help but do this. I know this story is kinda sad but I felt tormented by this idea, I needed to write it. R&R guys. LOVE YA!**

I woke late the next morning to the sound of raindrops hitting the window. I was laying on my couch, well not exactly alone. I was tangled in Jason's arms, but I felt really comfortable. I didn't want to move, at all. My left leg was hooked with his right and my arms were wrapped around his neck. His arms were securely fashioned around my waist and his face was resting beside mine. I think I fell for him. He just looked so cute and protective that i wanted to kiss him.

Jason started to gently stir in his sleep and his eyes fluttered open. He flushed red when he saw our position. I just smiled and rested my head in his shoulder.

"I think we fell asleep," Jason said while softly chuckling. My God, he had a morning voice, it was scratchy and sexy. I sound like a creepy girlfriend.

"Appears to be so," I said back softly giggling with him. I looked up into his daring eyes. He slowly bent his head down and kissed my cheek, I flushed like a ripe tomato. I feel like I'm five or some shit, like seriously? He's kissed my cheek at least four times now and I'm still blushing like an idiot. Jason rested his head back down and I played with his fingers that were clasped around me. We rested for another good fifteen minutes before I checked the time on my phone. 7:47, and I remember that we had a dreadful thing called school today. I did not want that, but I haven't skipped school before and I'm not sure I want to.

"We have school, it's Tuesday," I groaned,"what people decided that it would be good to have school in the morning?"

"Don't know Pipes, but if we ever find them they will have hell to pay," Jason looks into my eyes and says seriously. I couldn't help it I busted out laughing my ass off. Soon we were both crying, I was positive that wasn't as funny as we thought. But his face expression killed me.

"Well, we have to go to school...sadly," I added at the end with a far away expression on my face. We laughed our asses off again before we finally got our shit together.

"Okay, well I have clothes in my car you change while I get them," Jason told me while sitting up.

"Why do you have clothes in your car?" I ask him, like seriously what the fuck?

"Half my life I spend at Percy's house," he told me walking outside. How long has he known Percy?

Before I could ask him he was outside, I guess I should get my ass off this couch and get dressed. I walked into my closet and started digging through my clothes, I spotted an oversized red knit sweater and I shrugged it on my black cami. I then pulled on a pair of dark wash skinny jeans that were pre-ripped. I laced up brown combat boots and put on a gray knit scarf. It suppose to be cold as fuck today, and I would love to come home without any missing toes due to frost bite. I grabbed my coat and put my stuff up into my messenger bag. By that time Jason walked in again with a pair of jeans, a white v-neck and a leather jacket in the crook of his arm. He already had his vans from yesterday in his hands, they were black with a white sole and white laces.

I walked into the kitchen after I pointed the bathroom out to Jason. I felt like I was way in over my head, I can't be in love with someone I met a week ago, right? I knew I was right, but that didn't shut down whatever the hell I'm feeling at the moment. I felt like I was swelling with emotions, soon I was going to pop and they would all spill out. I couldn't drag him into this, Jason deserves better than some dumb sick kid. He deserved someone that could be with him like regular couples, to go to the movies with each other and dance in the rain. All things I couldn't because of my stupid fucking lungs. I was handicapped but that's expected. I wasn't just handicapped to the point I couldn't do all the things other's can, I was handicapped from my life.

You might think I just get that handicap parking spot or whatever, but I couldn't enjoy nearly as much as normal people can. I couldn't fall in love, I couldn't have lasting friendships, because my mind is screaming at me day by day. It yells at me in frustration that I'll never fill my dreams. I'll never find someone to love me, because anyone that I can leaves me. Because nothing stays permanent. Everything collapses eventually, even our own person collapses. We die and we have to face the fact that some people were jut born with tragedy in their blood. I was one of the people, one of the people who where punished to take the passenger seat in life and put their faith in death. Death sits at the steering wheel in my life. Everything I do revolves around staying alive. I have these tubes to keep breathing, I go to the doctor every month to stay alive. I push people away to stay alive. My whole life is evading death. But when it comes down to it, I'm never really ahead of death. I can't prevent it, I'm simply delaying the inevitable.

Jason walks into the kitchen and his face brightens at the sight of me, I wish he would stop making me love him. He looked handsome as always,like he had not a care not he world. I wish I could be so care free, that was another reason I couldn't be with him. I would drag down his carefree life and give him worries, because he would start worrying about me.

He walked over to me and sat on a barstool. He had a goofy grin on his face and he reached over to take my coffee.

"Your cute and all, but I'm not sharing my coffee," I tell him while I snatch my drink away from his lingering hand. He shot me puppy dog eyes, and I can't resist those so I found a compromise. I poured another cup and handed it to him.

"Thanks," he said taking a long sip out. He looked really adorable because he had a look of pure bliss on his face.

"This is by far the best cup of coffee I've ever had," he said seriously.

"Glad to know I can do some thing right," I grumbled and before he could comment I continued,"so how long have you known Percy?"

"I've known him since we were twelve, we met at an after school Recreational Program," he explained to me.

"Wow, so that explains why you carry clothing in your car," I say still slightly amused by the fact.

"Are you laughing at being prepared?" He asked arching an eyebrow.

"No," I said. Sarcasm definitely included. I grab a couple poptarts and tossed a package to Jason.

"Won't your parents worry that you weren't home last night?" I ask him.

"Nah, they probably assumed I was with Percy," he told me giving me a grin and dragging me outside. We started walking down the stairs, more like Jason started pulling me downstairs.

"Jason! Slow down!" I called at him, I was tripping all over my feet. When we reached the last step he let out a jaunty laugh.

"I didn't know you were such a clutz Piper," Jason teased me. I glared at him.

"I wouldn't be if someone wasn't pulling me down the stairs," I retorted back at him. We stepped outside and walked to his car. Jason pulled the car door open and shot me a smile.

"Now your a gentlemen?" I teased him.

"Just making up for my mistakes Pipes," He told me as he got into the drivers seat.

"We have about five minutes to get to school, were definitely going to be late," I told Jason as I checked my phone.

"Don't worry, I know a shortcut," he said as he took a sharp left. A_ very_ sharp left.

"Jason!" I yelled at him as I held my little tank so it won't roll all over he floor of the car.

"Well be fine. I'm a great driver, don't worry," Jason said trying to calm me down and ultimately failing. Suddenly we pulled up to the school and I stared at Jason in disbelief.

"That took two minutes, no way," I said.

"Way," Jason retorted in a girlish accent. He sounded like he inhaled too much helium.

We both exited the car and took off inside just as the bell ring. The halls started filling quickly, a sea of teens emerged from all different directions,it was chaos. I immediately sucked in a breath, I hadn't had to deal with getting through morning hallways in ages. Sure, I went when we transitioned from class to class. But, in the mornings people like to talk and they have backpacks. They create a huge traffic jam, you would have to see it to believe it.

Jason must have sensed my discomfort (he has a sixth sense or something) because he reached over and took my hand with a gentle squeeze. I looked up to him, I had worry etched across my face and his eyes met mine before we started to weave in and out of people. I think I got pushed at least five times before we reached Jason's locker. I didn't need to go to mine because I carry my bag everywhere.

"Are you okay Piper?" Jason asked me as he put his books up.

"I'm great," I grumbled.

"Are you sure? We can wait out the crowd, I'm sure Chiron will understand," he told me while he shut his locker.

"No, let's just get this over with," I said as I slipped my hand back into Jason's.

We began to weave through the throng of people again before a certain heel clad foot tripped me. I looked up to the face of the devil, or Reyna whatever you want to call her.

"I'm so sorry," she said, defiantly with sarcasm," I didn't see you there, must be because your invisible."

She then turned on her heel and sauntered away through people to get to her class. They parted like the sea for her like she was Moses I looked over and sure enough Jason sat there rubbing his head with the hand not in my grasp.

"Ouch," he uttered while standing and pulling me up.

"I'm so sorry Jason, I didn't mean to pull you down," I said in a hurried mess. I felt really bad, this is why I can't be with him. Because of me and Reyna's problem he got hurt.

"Its fine Piper, it only hurt for a second," Jason tries to reassure me but I wasn't buying it.

"Okay, but if you have a lump on your head because of me and you lied you'll have two lumps," I threatened him as we walked into Chiron's room.

Jason put his hands up in mock surrender as we sat down in the same place as yesterday. I pulled out my sketchbook to my drawing I was working on yesterday and started shading. I could faintly hear Chiron calling roll and then giving permission to quietly chat. Jason and I had been assigned the Greek Mythology project yesterday, we had to do their history. Basically how The gods and goddesses were made and the titans, simple stuff.(**A/N I know it's cliche but I had to, the temptation got to me but don't worry this story won't be super cliche).**

"Hey Piper, we are still going to hang out with Percy, Annabeth, and Leo today, right?" Jason asked me.

"Yeah, I don't go back on my word," I told him looking up from my drawing.

"Well, my sister and her boyfriend wanted to join us. Well, twin sister." Jason said scratching the back of his head.

"That's fine Jason, what's their names," I said. I didn't want him to feel bad.

"Thalia and Nico, they are in our grade we just don't have any classes with them," he told me.

"Its fine Jason really, I just hope they don't expect me to talk," I told him while I glanced back down go my drawing.

"I don't think you really need words to speak, some people are mute and still have the most powerful way of expressing themselves,"Jason says to me, he encourages me to speak but when it comes to it my body movements express more than my words.

"Thank you Jason," I whisper softly to him as I retake his hand in mine.

··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··

Jason and I entered the lunch room and once again I was panicking, yesterday after lunch we skipped. And not to mention I had a catastrophic meltdown, well it was catastrophic for me. I was still clutching Jason's hand like it was my only connection to the real world. That's when I see two more people sitting at the table that were most definitely not there yesterday.

The first person I saw was a girl that absolutely had the punk rock chick look down. Here hair reached her chin and was choppy or spiky (I don't know I'm no hair professional). It was a dark black with electric blue highlights throughout. She was wearing a "death to Barbie" t-shirt tucked into a pair of high waisted black shorts. Underneath her shorts were black pantyhose. Her feet were clad in black knee high socks and a pair of black Chuck Taylors. She was pale with a few stray freckles dotting her nose. She wore a lot of fucking eyeliner. It made her... electric blue eyes pop. They looked just like Jason's.

The boy sitting beside her was holding her hand and he looked like he was about to start crying from laughing, along with Percy and Leo. He had shaggy black hair and charcoal black eyes. It was fucking creepy. He had a pale complexion that contrasted with his clothing. He wore a pair of black denim jeans and a black shirt. He wore a leather jacket over his shirt and a pair of black converse.

Jason and I started making our way to the table and I started freaking out. Five people, you want me to converse with five people? This is a suicide mission, suicide I tell you!

"Hey sis, Nico," he said addressing the two newbies,"this is Piper McLean."

"Hi," I said tentatively waving my free hand at the Nico and Jason's sister, that must be why they have the same eyes! _No duh, idiot_, my demon grumbled in my ear sarcastically.

"So your Piper, the one Annabeth won't shut up about," Jason's sister shot Annabeth a look and Annabeth rose her hands in surrender.

"I'm Nico, and this ray of sunshine is Thalia," Nico said gesturing at Thalia.

"Har dee har har, I sense sarcasm," Thalia said while turning towards Nico.

"You detected correctly sweetcheeks," Nico said while pinching Thalia's cheeks.,

"Who the hell came up with the pet name sweetcheeks?" I piped up (no pun intended). Everyone turned to me and smiled, and I slowly smiled back to all of them.

"So if we're going to Olympus Arcade then you guys better be prepared to get your asses kicked at so skee-ball," Thalia challenged.

"As if," Annabeth snorted and shot Thalia a look that read 'try and win'. I could hear Jason softly chuckling next to me. I slowly unwrapped my club sandwich that I made a couple nights ago for my dad.

"Are you gonna eat all of that?" Percy asked staring hungrily at my beautiful sandwich.

"Uh..." I pretended to think about it,"yeah."

"Its not fair you get a beautiful sandwich and I have to suffer by with cafeteria food," Percy whined and then shot me puppy dog eyes. Just to show him I wasn't giving him a scrap of this sandwich I took an overly dramatic bite and moaned while chewing it.

"Torture!" Percy shrieked and I looked him right in the eye and took another bite.

"That's cruel and unuasual punishment," Percy recited the eighth amendment.

"Congrats Percy, you know the bill of rights," I tell him sarcastically. Only then I looked around to see all of their faces clearly amused.

"I still think you should give me a piece," Percy said.

"I still think I shouldn't so I won't," I said as I finished my sandwich and just for show I liked my fingers each individually.

"Rude," Percy scoffed. I stuck my tongue out at him and he returned the favor. At that everyone bursted out laughing except Percy and I.

"What so funny?" Percy asked while he crossed his arms.

"You guys act like five year old siblings," Annabeth sputtered out between breaths.

"Am not," I said imitating my best five year old impression. I stamped my foot for good measure. Everyone started laughing again and I grinned in pride, I brought a little joy into their lives.

"I never struck you as a funny person, Piper," Thalia said as she wiped stray tears from her eyes.

"I didn't either," I told them truthfully and looking back down at my hands.

"Well you are," Annabeth said just as the bell rung for fifth period.

"Bye guys," I said as I stood and gathered up my messenger bag.

Jason stood up beside me and took my hand in his. He waved over his shoulder to his friends as we walked out the two cafeteria doors. We strolled down the hall and only parted to go to our lockers. I took out my calculus book and journal and stuck a piece of gum in my mouth. I closed my locker only to be greeted by Jason. He held out his hand and I took it in mine. We strolled down the halls while Jason swung our hands in between us childishly. We entered our classroom and took refuge in the desk farthest from the door.

"That was awesome,"Jason said referring to lunch time. I slightly smiled over to him before started lecturing.

··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··°°··

I was excited, truly fucking excited. Jason and I were in his car on the way to Olympus Arcade, I was just happy to see people. I've never been to an arcade before.

Jason turned into a large parking lot in front of a building that looked like Greek Mythology threw up on it. There were gods and creatures splayed out across the building in giant cardboard cutouts. Now don't get me wrong, it looked cool as fuck. The building looked about five stories tall and about the size of your average Wal-Mart. Like, Jesus Christ? Why is this place so big?

"Ready Piper?" Jason asked as he parked and looked over to me while taking my small hand into his.

"Nope," I tell him,"But I'm not going to be ready, so might as well get it over with."

"Remember, we can leave at any moment," Jason said as he let go of my hand with a squeeze and for out of his car.

I slid out from my seat and rocked back on my heels. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt overwhelmed, all the years of packing away myself and pushing people away. They all seem to have stopped so suddenly, no testing the waters. It seems I just dived right in and there's a fifty percent chance I could drown.

I was pulled into strong arms and I rested my head on Jason's chest. I took deep breaths and then I pulled from him gently. I took his hand with a small squeeze. We slowly started out way towards the doors, towards people.

"I see them," Jason said as we walked to a particularly large booth in the food court section. All of Jason's friends sat gathered around a table, they were laughing and just seemed, genuinely happy.

"Hey Piper, baby bro," Thalia greeted us and made room for us to sit by crawling into Nico's lap.

"I'm younger than you by six minutes Thalia," Jason groaned.

"Still younger," Thalia reminded him as she ate one of Annabeth's fries.

"Alright everyone is here, what are we going to do, ADHD sucks," Leo said as he fiddled with a screw and a coil.

"Geez Leo, chill they just got here,".Annabeth said,"You guys could get something to eat."

"No, Its fine I'm not really hungry," I said. _Worthless people don't deserve food_, my demon whispered and made me shrink back.

"You okay Piper?" Jason asked worry clearly on his face.

"Fine, we can go ahead and start," I said hurriedly trying to take the attention off me.

"Okay," Leo said slowly, obviously confused.

"Yeah let's go play skee-ball!" Thalia jumped off Nico and ushered me and Jason out of the booth so she could move.

"Get ready to get your ass kicked Thals," Annabeth said as we walked towards the long line of skee-ball games.

"You wish Annie," Thalia challenged.

"Alright there are seven of us and eight games, top three high scores have to pay nothing, bottom four have to pay,".Thalia said as she entered tokens into seven games.

Everyone lines up and got ready to shoot, I've never actually played skee-ball but I wasn't about to let them know that. I didn't want to pay. The little digital at the top of the skee-ball machine read in red digital letters, GO! I started rolling the ball into the five hundreds in no time. This game was really easy, all you had to do was pull back your arm and flick your wrist the direction you want the ball to go. I was racking up points by the thousands and some people had started watching me. I hate the attention these strangers were giving me so I flubbed one in to the two hundred circle and they backed off. so felt almost happy that I was winning and before I knew it I was nearing the high score right before the games stopped.

"Wow Piper," Thalia said in disbelief,"How long have you been playing?"

"I've never played before," I said while playing with my fingers.

"Get out, next your going to tell me you've never eaten cotton candy or some shit," Thalia says crossing her arms.

"I've never actually had cotton candy before," I say truthfully.

"Did you have no childhood?" Leo asked suddenly out of nowhere.

"Not really, I spent most days in a doctor's office," I mumbled.

"In that case were getting you cotton candy," Jason said as they all started pulling me towards the food court.

"Uh, guys..." I said as they handed me a small container of the fluffy blue stuff.

"Eat it, or I will," Percy confessed behind me. I slowly opened the box and pulled a small tuft out before sticking it in my mouth. It melted as it touched my tongue, I have to admit it was really good.

We spent about three hours there goofing off, I kept my distance and only occasionally added into the conversation. After saying our goodbyes the smile that sat on my face dropped suddenly. I knew it wasn't real, I was suddenly very tired because of all the acting. It hurt to smile, because it brought back so many memories of the year's I spent putting up a façade to make people believe I'm fine. Jason said he would stay with me for a while that night, I had a feeling that meant he was staying. I wasn't going to complain, last night was the first night in a long time I didn't have a nightmare.

We pulled up to my apartment building and I got out, yearning to be able to sleep and get life over with. I don't see the purpose of spending another day in a life that I'm not really loving in. I'm just a ghost with a beating heart.

I walked into my apartment and sat down on the couch starting blankly.

"Pipes?" Jason asked clearly confused at what I was doing.

"Yeah?" I answered back unmoving.

"You okay?"He asked me sitting down beside me.

"Nope," I replied nonchalantly. He slowly pulled me into his arms and we just sat there at eight o'clock at night, not doing anything but holding each other.

After about an hour of cuddling I heard Jason's silent snores and detangled myself from him. I walked into my bathroom and pulled out blade and I did something I never thought I would do. I pressed the blade down into my forearm and slowly pulled back. I didn't feel anything though, the pain just melted away as soon as it was present. I made six slits into my smooth skin, one for each of the people that would eventually leave me. They have their mark, so when they break me I'll already be broken. I watched the red liquid seep from my arm down into the drain in silence. I never heard the door open.

"Oh Piper," Jason whispered as he took the razor blade from my hands and set it on the counter top. I never took my eyes from my arm.

"Why?" Jason asked as he took a wet rag and began to wipe the blood from my arm.

"Because, when people break me it doesn't work because I'm already broken and I can't be fixed," I whisper as I looked up to see my reflection. Tear trails left residue on my face, I didn't even notice that I was crying. I saw my eyes had turned into a black-brown color that showed no emotion. My brown hair cascaded down my back ad my features looked in pain. I looked horrible, I was a sick twisted human with no point in this world, I felt like I was in life for the ride, only it will be a short one for me.

"Why Piper? Why?" I heard Jason mumble under his breath as he slowly wraps my arm.

"Why am I here?" I whispered as I slowly reach up and touch my face.

"Because people need other people and all of us were made for another just like they are made for us," Jason said as he took the hand that was on my face and held it in his own.

"I don't think I have another, why am I so alone?" I ask.

"Because it can sometimes take awhile to find them," Jason softly spoke.

"I don't want to wait, I need someone because its gotten to the point I'm not sure why I'm holding on anymore. I don't see the point of just waiting because I'm too impatient. Because I need help, I need someone to hold onto. I try, I really do but when I think I'm doing a whole lot better everything crashes down and feels a lot worse. Because people hide themselves away so they don't have to face the reality. The reality that the real world is a prison and fairy tales don't come true. They never do." I whispered into the air.

"I want to help you, but I don't know how. How do I help Piper?" Jason asked as he wrapped his arms around my waist from behind.

"Don't go. Don't be like everyone else and leave me, just stay. Because I'm tired of fighting, I want to be fought for," I said as I lifted my hands to my face.

"I'd fight for you Piper, because I think I fell for you," Jason sad into my hair.

"No Jason, please no. I can't do that to you, it would hurt you so much. I'm a bad idea, please say your joking," I beg him.

"You might not feel the same way Piper, but that's not changing anything. When I saw you my heart whispered to me_ she's the one,_" Jason said while tightening his grip around me.

"That's the problem, I do feel the same. And I wish you didn't because I'm a train wreck. A worthless nothing, they all say that. My demon reflects my fears to me. My demons are reflections of me, and how am I suppose to talk when there sitting on my lungs and laughing at me? How can I drown my demons when they know how to swim?" I said letting tears fall. I tangled my fingers into my hair and gripped it.

"Just get out of my head!" I yelled in frustration. Jason gripped me to him harder and pulled me as close as possible.

"I really like you Piper, just hold on please. It hurts me to see you hurt and know I can't do anything about it. To see you drowning when you could just stand up and breathe," Jason said as he peppered kisses over my face.

"When no one has cared for a long time, it's hard to accept when someone finally does. I love you and I'm so very sorry for that," I said as cried into my hands.

"Don't be sorry for feeling Piper, because love happens to us. I've loved you since the first time I saw you," Jason said and he brought away my hands from my face and used his own to wipe the tears from my eyes. Then he gently lent down and pressed his lips to mine. It felt so natural and I suddenly felt like I actually meant something. I wasn't just someone that was drifting at sea with no hop of finding a rescuer. I felt needed and wanted all at once. Our lips moved in perfect harmony and I knew it absolutely for sure that I loved him and I knew it's going to hurt me eventually. But I can hang on to the last sliver of hope that he might stay with me and that he actually loved me.

We soon parted and I wrapped my arms around Jason's waist and we stood there in the middle of the night with only a small flickering light to see each other with. And we held each other like it was the only thing connecting us to life. And to me it was.


	9. Chapter 8

I was sitting on the wrinkling sheets of a doctor's office bed. Jason was sitting in the chair beside me in the small room holding my hand, it was my regular monthly check up. Nothing special, they take blood, they x-ray, and go through the regular motions of a doctor visit for normal people. Today was different, something felt... off. Like, something bad will happen. I just hope Dr Solace doesn't sugar coat it. I hate it when people try to be easy on me, I need the blatant truth. I need that hard slap of reality to the face, because it helps me realize that it doesn't get better.

Hope.

I've learned to dismiss hope with a wave of a hand. I learned that when hope blossoms, all that happens is disappointment. It crashes down on me and if there is no hope, there can't be the hurt of disappointment. So I don't hope, I don't fear, I don't feel anything. I just shut it out. So I sit in this doctor's office with no emotion playing on my face, my hair pulled up in a messy ponytail and clad in a pair of ripped jeans and an old hoodie.

I don't care.

The door cracked open and in walked Dr Solace. He had shaggy blond hair and a blinding smile. Most girls woo over him, but I couldn't care less. I looked up towards him with a bored expression on my face and he plastered a smile on, a very flirtatious smile might I add. I felt Jason's hand tighten slightly on my own and I squeezed his back in recognition.

"Well good news and bad news," Dr Solace began,"which would you like first?"

"Bad news," I responded In a monotone.

"Okay, well it seems that your lungs have gotten worse and are getting worse rapidly, we have you on the donor list but you need a transplant fast."

"Okay, good news?"I asked him, I showed no reaction to the lungs because I was expecting the worse, and that was the worse.

"We can have you lungs in four months, someone in critical condition has no chance of survival, they agreed to help you," Dr Solace told me with a big grin. I ignored him and looked down at Jason who looked up at me. Our eyes both conveyed the same message, in four months I could be normal. We could be a normal couple and do everything I never could.

"Okay," I whispered back quietly, I was in awe that I could really be normal.

I felt Jason squeeze my hand and I allowed a small smile to take over my features and returned the action. I looked up at Dr Solace and he handed me a bottle of pills.

"One in the morning, one at night it should help slow down the process," he said as he gestured towards the prescription bottle. Little capsules sat inside, half pink half blue. I stared at them, hoping that they might help a little. Because most medicine I've taken has had no effect.

I looked up and masked my emotions again, I had gotten used to doing it so much it was second nature nowadays.

"You're free to leave," Dr Solace said as he stood and left the room. Jason stood first and brought me to my feet along with him. Fuck him and his height, literally he is a good half foot taller than me. With our hands linked together we walked out of the small doctor's office that reeked of sterilizer. We hopped into my car and I leaned back in my seat to let out a long breath.

Two weeks have gone by since Jason and I had started dating, and I really love every second of it because this time I really think it's different; I think he actually likes me. But the emotional stress of being around people and smiling is taking a toll on me. I feel drained 24/7 around his friends and I just want to melt into the shadows again without having to fear someone with a flashlight finding me. I have the feeling returning, of suffocating and not being able to breathe. And the walls are caving in on me one by one. And I can't avoid the depths of nothing for ever. But I want to so badly because when you fall you keep falling and falling, and your struggling to find something to grip onto to stop the whistling in your ears, the whispers of failure. But all you do is flail hopelessly and no solid substance comes under your fingers and you keep hoping to hit the ground to end the hurt and fear but it never comes.

It feels like your drowning while watching every sit three feet away pointing at you shouting, "Learn how to swim!"

But you can't seem to prevail and eventually the air gives out in your lungs and you waste away before someone realizes they could have saved you. I just wish someone can dive in after me and bring me to the surface to take deep breathes of glorious air, to be alive. Yet instead I keep drowning and opening my mouth to call out but the water sucks the noise away just like it fills my lungs and chokes me. And I never see the surface before my heart beat gives out and my body goes limp.

I sit up after a long breath and stick the keys in the ignition. I can feel Jason's eyes scanning me for a sign of despair but I shut down my emotions so they only play behind my eyes in the darkness of my mind. _Give up, Piper. No one's going to save you._ A chorus of demons chant inside my ears, because they kick me when I'm down. When I'm gasping for breath they latch their hands around my throat and close down the air ways. When I break a bone they push down on the crack to make it as painful as possible. They ruin me.

It's a shame that I used to believe in fairytales, but was struck down by reality of the demons in my head and the fear of never being loved. Because what hurts the most is having to pretend it doesn't hurt at all. Because it fucking hurts, everything hurts. Every thought is a battle and every breath is a war. And I'm not winning. Because every slice on my skin in a horizontal strike of red is music to my ears. My blade is the bow and my skin is the strings of a violin and every harsh strike has a new meaning of a sound and the whispers of pain emerged from my throat is the keys I press on a piano. Because now death sounds like a melody.

I live in my own personal hell, where the demons find my head a playground for their twisted joy. The feeling of building me up only to push me down and laugh before repeating the cycle again. And again. But then I remember that I am a demon myself and I let these insecurities crawl in my ear and I'm killing myself. I carry my own prison and live in it, but I also hold the key to escape. I just can't seem to put it in the lock and turn because of my shaking hands. Or the invisible shadows dancing around me and taunting me, pushing my arm down inches from the lock and shoving me to the floor. And then the lock seems so far away like I could never reach it. I shrink smaller, and smaller but the lock looms above me creating an impossible scenario. I just can't reach.

I didn't notice the wetness on my cheeks until my hands started to shake and my lungs started to seize making it where I had to pull over to the shoulder of the road and take deep breaths. Jason unbuckled his seatbelt before reaching over and unbuckling my own. He scooped me up and pulled my shaking body onto his lap while locking his arms around me, shielding me from the world. I buried my head in his shirt, soaking it with tears from an unknown reason. I didn't know why I was crying I just felt so... gone. I didn't feel like this was reality and I was really there sitting with the one person that could erase my tears. Jason just sat there softly stroaking my hair and saying nothing. And he didn't need to, he just needed to be here. Because through my struggle I was going to need someone's shoulder to cry on for no reason at all.

"Why do you weep Piper?" Jason whispered softly into my ears with a voice that calms my bones and can make them wild all the same.

"Because the world is my enemy," I murmured into his now soaked shirt and sat up slowly wiping my eyes and hiding my face with my hands.

"How can the whole world be your enemy? I'm not your enemy," he said gently while taking my hands from my face and enveloping them with his own.

"I'm my own enemy and its torment to hear yourself scream into your ears constantly and constantly," I said while taking my hands and gripping my hair, outside slowly started melting away in the sounds of rain.

"Then make it stop," Jason said while wiping my tear stained face.

"It's not that easy, I can't stop it and it just won't _go away_. I just want it out of my head!" I yelled to the sky. _Give up, Piper_.

"Lets count your scars," Jason said pushed up both my sleeves to reveal several strikes on my tan skin.

"Why?" I asked him while trying to hide away, but Jason's grip held firm and he studied the destruction I inflicted.

"So I can see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there," he said and held my forearms facing up to be able to see all the pale markings clearly.

We silently started counting all the slashes in my flesh, one, two, three...We went on and on to a grand total of twenty two scars peppered across my skin.

"I don't care if it's four am or three in the afternoon, when ever you feel like you need to do this, call me," Jason said softly but with a tone of seriousness behind it.

"Okay," I whispered and pushed my sleeves down to hide away again.

"Good, it hurts me when you hurt Piper. Your not the only one suffering because when I'm right beside you and can't seem to hold you close enough to take the hurt away it torments me," he says while looking straight into my eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," I mutter in his ear as he pulls me into a tight embrace.

We sat there in each other's comfort trying to hold on. And I ha one way to do so, and sometimes the world feels so far away and my feet can't seem to touch the ground and my hands can't grasp the air. I just am nowhere and somewhere at the same time. And I'm not sure how that's possible.

The thunder shocked me out of my little comfort bubble with Jason and I look outside of the fogged window.

"I like the rain," I comment while pressing my hand against the now cool glass.

"Yeah?" Jason responds in a way of asking 'go on,'.

"It shows that while right now it's raining and tears fall from the sky, somewhere else on earth can be bright with Sun and happy. It shows that the earth has days where it cries and others where it smiles, and the sky screams sometimes, too." I say while tracing lines on the windows that meant nothing.

"Everyone cries," Jason says as he leans his forehead against the glass that separates us from the wet.

"Lets go outside," I say and before he can respond pop the door open and drag him outside along with my little tank. I walk out into the middle of the little field beside the road and reached my arms up towards the sky.

"Are you crazy?" Jason ask as he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Insane," I agree truthfully. We stood there in th pouring rain, soaked down to our bones. I could barely see three feet in front of me due to the heavy downpour. The water pelted my skin and I lofted my face towards the dark clouds and instead of basking in the light of the Sun, I am basking in the shadows of the clouds. And surrounded my nothing but water and the comforting presence of Jason I really didn't care. I felt nothing but a small smile on my face.


End file.
